If anything, a little too hot by Sunday...
Ben, remember your "Factor 30".
Thursday 14 June 2012
Wednesday 13 June 2012
Further input from R&A....
Roger and Alan have been at it again just before the start of SCC 2012 'Shorter, Slower, Weaker, Worse' this coming Friday 15th June.
R&A, Rules and Amateur Status – Governing and Educating Principal Changes
Introduced into the 2012 Code Rules of Golf
Definitions
'Camels (camel, uurrrgghhhhh, or any variation thereof)'
Camels are whereby a group of two of more golfers try to complete a round of golf by going in as many bunkers as possible then hoping that they wont be the last person to enter a bunker during the round. The fine for any entry into a bunker is 20p, steadily increasing in this multiple as the fellow golfers enter bunkers during their round of shoddy tee shots/chips/knobs of the fairway. If the player is scabby enough to get up and down from the bunker they entered then the running total is passed back to the last person to enter a bunker. To clarify that if only one golfer is hilariously enough the only person to enter a bunkers during the whole round then the fine sticks with that player. It is encouraged for all golfers to aim for bunkers on the 18th hole and not to 'girl-out' by aiming straight for the green, but this is up to the individual female in question (Nick).
Rules
Rule 18-2b.
Ball Moving After Address
A new Exception is added that exonerates the player from penalty if his ball moves after it has been addressed when it is known or virtually certain that he did not cause the ball to move. For example, if it a player has the nose capacity to inflict solid objects to bend during or after a sneeze, if it is this bogey infested gust of wind that moves the ball after it has been addressed, there is no penalty and the ball is played from its new position. Trousers, shirts or shorts of the others player may be changed without penalty due to excess nose gold being deposited on their various parts.
Rule 27-Massive C.
Water Proofs, Hand Warmers, Wet Suits.
No player may now wear or use any device designed to prevent the absorption of rain or any other precipitation due the fact that we are not 'little girls' who cry at the first sight of rain. Hail is to be embraced, snow is to be shunned at and wind is to be pissed into in a high arc.'
Monday 11 June 2012
THE SCC RULES
I am pleased to be able to provide a revised set of SCC rules. Without wishing to place greater importance one clause over any another, I would like to draw competitors attention to clause 12 as it is an etirely new addition.
1. No practice rounds are permitted at the host club within 2 months of the tournament.
2. The format is that of a three team stableford competition.
3. The handicap limit is 28.
4. Teams are to be drawn during the draw on the evening before the competition begins.
5. The 3-ball playing groups will be confirmed during the draw on the evening before the competition begins. Groups are organised such that everyone plays with everyone else, except for their team members.
6. Teams will be drawn from 3 pots, with one player from each pot in each team. In the first year, the ‘rankings’ will be determined by handicap, with the lowest 3 handicappers in pot A (therefore not in the same team), the next 3 handicappers in pot B and so on. The pots in the following years will be determined by total points scored over the 3 rounds of the previous years event, with the highest 3 point scorers in pot A, the next highest 3 in pot B and so on…
a) in the event that player totals are tied, for the purposes of deciding who enters which pot, players will be seperated by count-back of scores over rounds, starting wilth round 3, then round 2 and finally round 1. If scores are still drawn, the player with the larger nose shall be entered into the higher pot.
7. Each player is required to mark the card of one of their playing partners (and their own score). The SCC Scorer spreadsheet requires gross scores only. Full handicap stableford scoring will be calculated when scores are added to the spreadsheet after each round.
8. In rounds 1 & 2, the best 2 stableford scores on each hole from your team will be counted. In the final round all 3 scores on each hole will be counted. This is accounted for in the SCC Scorer spreadsheet.
9. When two rounds are played in one day, a lunch time drink of 2 pints should be taken by all players (this can be altered at the opening ceremony each year on agreement of at least 5 of the 9 competitors).
10. Failure to clear the ladies tee on any competitive round during the SCC is punishable by having to play the resulting second shot with trousers (or shorts) around the ankles.
a. As in most instances, Nick will have “pulled in a favour” to get us on the course, should this occur on a tee in clear view of the clubhouse, the player should play the second shot of the next hole with trousers (or shorts) around the ankles.
b. Should the offending player be “going commando”, the punishment should be stored up for the bar when the player will have had the opportunity to find some underwear. Trousers (or shorts) must then be worn around the ankles whilst the first pint is drunk.
11. At the request of the golf club (and given that they have allowed us a 50% discount) we are requested to ensure that we keep up with speed of play (we will be amongst a club competition on the Saturday). This requires that players unable to score points on a given hole either ‘pick up’ or play quickly and move on to the next hole. In 3 balls we should be taking no longer than 3 ½ hours per round.
12. In the event that a participant is unable to sport a suitably bad shirt on Saturday night, they will be required to order a very gay drink. Said drink must then be necked at the bar, with pinky well and truly out.
For the avoidance of any doubt, a shirt must be considered to be bad by a majority of the group. Also, as an example a Malibu and Coke is a very gay drink.
I'm sure that having read the rules, you will be excited at the mention of the SCC Scorer Spreadsheet. Be assured that this is as cool as you anticipate!
1. No practice rounds are permitted at the host club within 2 months of the tournament.
2. The format is that of a three team stableford competition.
3. The handicap limit is 28.
4. Teams are to be drawn during the draw on the evening before the competition begins.
5. The 3-ball playing groups will be confirmed during the draw on the evening before the competition begins. Groups are organised such that everyone plays with everyone else, except for their team members.
6. Teams will be drawn from 3 pots, with one player from each pot in each team. In the first year, the ‘rankings’ will be determined by handicap, with the lowest 3 handicappers in pot A (therefore not in the same team), the next 3 handicappers in pot B and so on. The pots in the following years will be determined by total points scored over the 3 rounds of the previous years event, with the highest 3 point scorers in pot A, the next highest 3 in pot B and so on…
a) in the event that player totals are tied, for the purposes of deciding who enters which pot, players will be seperated by count-back of scores over rounds, starting wilth round 3, then round 2 and finally round 1. If scores are still drawn, the player with the larger nose shall be entered into the higher pot.
7. Each player is required to mark the card of one of their playing partners (and their own score). The SCC Scorer spreadsheet requires gross scores only. Full handicap stableford scoring will be calculated when scores are added to the spreadsheet after each round.
8. In rounds 1 & 2, the best 2 stableford scores on each hole from your team will be counted. In the final round all 3 scores on each hole will be counted. This is accounted for in the SCC Scorer spreadsheet.
9. When two rounds are played in one day, a lunch time drink of 2 pints should be taken by all players (this can be altered at the opening ceremony each year on agreement of at least 5 of the 9 competitors).
10. Failure to clear the ladies tee on any competitive round during the SCC is punishable by having to play the resulting second shot with trousers (or shorts) around the ankles.
a. As in most instances, Nick will have “pulled in a favour” to get us on the course, should this occur on a tee in clear view of the clubhouse, the player should play the second shot of the next hole with trousers (or shorts) around the ankles.
b. Should the offending player be “going commando”, the punishment should be stored up for the bar when the player will have had the opportunity to find some underwear. Trousers (or shorts) must then be worn around the ankles whilst the first pint is drunk.
11. At the request of the golf club (and given that they have allowed us a 50% discount) we are requested to ensure that we keep up with speed of play (we will be amongst a club competition on the Saturday). This requires that players unable to score points on a given hole either ‘pick up’ or play quickly and move on to the next hole. In 3 balls we should be taking no longer than 3 ½ hours per round.
12. In the event that a participant is unable to sport a suitably bad shirt on Saturday night, they will be required to order a very gay drink. Said drink must then be necked at the bar, with pinky well and truly out.
For the avoidance of any doubt, a shirt must be considered to be bad by a majority of the group. Also, as an example a Malibu and Coke is a very gay drink.
I'm sure that having read the rules, you will be excited at the mention of the SCC Scorer Spreadsheet. Be assured that this is as cool as you anticipate!
Thursday 24 May 2012
Look - a - Likes Unveiled ....
It is with great pleasure that the SCC Press Team can finally release this years offical SCC 2012 poster. They have gone to great lengths and performed many reach arounds to assemble this year ensemble. Unfortuantely due to Engelbert Humperdinck (Matt 'The Length' Miller) Eurovision schedule (and fucking rediculous name) they have had to photoshop how he might have looked using previously posted blog photos.
The poster is available in various sizes at increasing costs, and due to huge demand from 2011 this year we are offering a wank resistant coating for a nominal fee of £1.50, with this you will also recieve a free talking audio book of Nick 'Just Call Me Serge' Brooker taking you through his past five years rounds shot by shot.
Enjoy
Saturday 19 May 2012
Images of Si Porter at previous SCC events
At Aberdovey
At Royal St. Davids
At Pennard
At Nefyn
and finally..........EVERY TIME SIMON!!!
Friday 18 May 2012
SCC 2012 lookylikey's
As part of the build up to SCC 2012, blogspot has decided to run an open competition for all SCC followers / groupies to post blogs as to who their favourite SCC players remind them off from the world of other celebrities.
The first set comes from Mrs E Williams who has decided on a sporting theme and has therefore compared all 9 SCC contenders to sporting heroes as follows:
Ben Williams - easiest and best lookylikey of them all, obviously Bastian Schwiensteiger.
Mattkinson - Two different options, ex England Manager Fabio Capello, or arguably a more accurate comparison, Xabi Alonso
Nick Brooker - based on ball striking it would have to Nick Faldo, although from a looks perspective a taller bigger boned (!) version of Sergio Garcia
Neil Gayton - As a result of a very similar golf swing... Jim Furyk!
Chris Seddon - the link here is huge length (on the golf course, before any rumours start) and weird back leg during his swing... Bubba Watson. Although Jay from the Inbetweeners is still a cracking lookalike!
Simon Porter - Elle genuinely says that she thinks Si Porter is a white version of Tiger Woods purely based on looks, although I do see some similarities between the two on the golf course!
Matt Miller - Struggling for a sporting lookalike of Matt Miller, neither of us know many 50 / 60 years olds so we have less knowledge of sportmen from Matt's era. Irrespective of who Matt looks like, I have discovered that he also participates in another golf society and has been trying to enlist Ben Williams into this other society - Matt, the SCC committee need to question you about the following website - www.bngs.org.uk/golf_web/index.html
Dom Williams - Elle's view is that there is only one Dom Williams, apparently no-one else even gets close to his boyish good looks, natural charm and general all-round good blokeishness (!)
Pet Bumwell - Harry Potter playing quiditch or if that isn't allowed as a result of a tenuous link to sport how about a slightly heavier version of G-Mac?
Now then fellas, lets have a few more views on potential lookylikeys!
Laters
The first set comes from Mrs E Williams who has decided on a sporting theme and has therefore compared all 9 SCC contenders to sporting heroes as follows:
Ben Williams - easiest and best lookylikey of them all, obviously Bastian Schwiensteiger.
Mattkinson - Two different options, ex England Manager Fabio Capello, or arguably a more accurate comparison, Xabi Alonso
Nick Brooker - based on ball striking it would have to Nick Faldo, although from a looks perspective a taller bigger boned (!) version of Sergio Garcia
Neil Gayton - As a result of a very similar golf swing... Jim Furyk!
Chris Seddon - the link here is huge length (on the golf course, before any rumours start) and weird back leg during his swing... Bubba Watson. Although Jay from the Inbetweeners is still a cracking lookalike!
Simon Porter - Elle genuinely says that she thinks Si Porter is a white version of Tiger Woods purely based on looks, although I do see some similarities between the two on the golf course!
Matt Miller - Struggling for a sporting lookalike of Matt Miller, neither of us know many 50 / 60 years olds so we have less knowledge of sportmen from Matt's era. Irrespective of who Matt looks like, I have discovered that he also participates in another golf society and has been trying to enlist Ben Williams into this other society - Matt, the SCC committee need to question you about the following website - www.bngs.org.uk/golf_web/index.html
Dom Williams - Elle's view is that there is only one Dom Williams, apparently no-one else even gets close to his boyish good looks, natural charm and general all-round good blokeishness (!)
Pet Bumwell - Harry Potter playing quiditch or if that isn't allowed as a result of a tenuous link to sport how about a slightly heavier version of G-Mac?
Now then fellas, lets have a few more views on potential lookylikeys!
Laters
Tuesday 10 April 2012
'The Road Hole'
So you want to hear about the 17th at "The Home of Golf", well sit back and prepare yourself because this is going to take a while.
"As you walk off the 16th green at St Andrews, you can see the daunting task ahead. A blind tee shot played well over the 'Lion' on the side of the hotel would leave a nice 160 yard shot to the narrow green, avoiding the inviting bunker to the front left of the green. Behind there is no relief from the tarmac road or gravel path, so best to to play short.
I was playing a blinding round of 18 over at this point, and could feel the winds shifting. This was it, this was my moment. Music started to drift in on the scottish breeze, the clouds parted and the sun started to shine. Yes, this was going to be good. 355 yards to go.
I aimed slightly to the right of the 'Lion', took a solid practice swing, addressed the ball and nailed it. Nailed it with a duck hook approximately 60 yards left of where I was aiming. 230 yards to go.
After waiting for people to tee off the 2nd hole, I found my ball slightly tee up on a lovely piece of rough. Knowing that I could lay up in front of the green from here I took a 3 iron. Not a great choice! A slightly uppish downswing placed the ball dead straight, but only 120 yards dead straight. 110 yards to go.
After taking a read from Neil, and given the confident talk of 'You only get to play this shot once', I addressed the ball with a pitching wedge. The scene before me playing over in my mind. 110 yards into a narrow green, flag placed directly behind the bunker. A solid PW would leave a tap in for my par. I can feel the club move backwards, pause, then down. Clean strike, I look up to catch the balls flight. But wait, it's not there. I look down at my feet to what can only be a golfers worst nightmare. The ball was still where it had lay previously. I had taken an air-shot. An air-shot on the most famous hole in golf. 110 yards to go.
After crying inside, I re-composed myself and managed to get a good clean strike on the ball (fat) and landed promptly in the middle of the bunker, where is was immediately joined by Neil, Nick and Matkinson. 10 yards to go.
The ball was lying fairly neatly, but the lip of bunker was telling me different stories, I opened up my 54 degree and majestically lifted the little blighter out. Yes maybe a bit big but I had got it out. 15 yards to go.
Now, I have never played off tarmac before so this was a new one for me. 7 iron I thought. 7 iron was wrong. I hit the steep roughy bank and came back down the incline. 10 yards to go
Much as I have never played of tarmac, I don’t often play off gravel either. 7 iron again I thought. Oh no, no, no. 7 iron was still the wrong club. Same result as last time. 10 yards to go.
Maybe it was just a back connection, 7 iron stays out of the bag, this time managing to reach the edge of the green, teetering on the precipice, but its there. 8 yards to go.
So I had made the green (fringe), time for a putt. 'Come on Peter, you can still get this putt' the crowd roared. Solid strike, I wasn't going to be short. 6 foot to go.
Neil gives me the putt and a hug.'
So how did I follow this 6 over hole? Yes, with a triple. Kerrching.
Pyle and Kenfig, bring it on!
"As you walk off the 16th green at St Andrews, you can see the daunting task ahead. A blind tee shot played well over the 'Lion' on the side of the hotel would leave a nice 160 yard shot to the narrow green, avoiding the inviting bunker to the front left of the green. Behind there is no relief from the tarmac road or gravel path, so best to to play short.
I was playing a blinding round of 18 over at this point, and could feel the winds shifting. This was it, this was my moment. Music started to drift in on the scottish breeze, the clouds parted and the sun started to shine. Yes, this was going to be good. 355 yards to go.
I aimed slightly to the right of the 'Lion', took a solid practice swing, addressed the ball and nailed it. Nailed it with a duck hook approximately 60 yards left of where I was aiming. 230 yards to go.
After waiting for people to tee off the 2nd hole, I found my ball slightly tee up on a lovely piece of rough. Knowing that I could lay up in front of the green from here I took a 3 iron. Not a great choice! A slightly uppish downswing placed the ball dead straight, but only 120 yards dead straight. 110 yards to go.
After taking a read from Neil, and given the confident talk of 'You only get to play this shot once', I addressed the ball with a pitching wedge. The scene before me playing over in my mind. 110 yards into a narrow green, flag placed directly behind the bunker. A solid PW would leave a tap in for my par. I can feel the club move backwards, pause, then down. Clean strike, I look up to catch the balls flight. But wait, it's not there. I look down at my feet to what can only be a golfers worst nightmare. The ball was still where it had lay previously. I had taken an air-shot. An air-shot on the most famous hole in golf. 110 yards to go.
After crying inside, I re-composed myself and managed to get a good clean strike on the ball (fat) and landed promptly in the middle of the bunker, where is was immediately joined by Neil, Nick and Matkinson. 10 yards to go.
The ball was lying fairly neatly, but the lip of bunker was telling me different stories, I opened up my 54 degree and majestically lifted the little blighter out. Yes maybe a bit big but I had got it out. 15 yards to go.
Now, I have never played off tarmac before so this was a new one for me. 7 iron I thought. 7 iron was wrong. I hit the steep roughy bank and came back down the incline. 10 yards to go
Much as I have never played of tarmac, I don’t often play off gravel either. 7 iron again I thought. Oh no, no, no. 7 iron was still the wrong club. Same result as last time. 10 yards to go.
Maybe it was just a back connection, 7 iron stays out of the bag, this time managing to reach the edge of the green, teetering on the precipice, but its there. 8 yards to go.
So I had made the green (fringe), time for a putt. 'Come on Peter, you can still get this putt' the crowd roared. Solid strike, I wasn't going to be short. 6 foot to go.
Neil gives me the putt and a hug.'
So how did I follow this 6 over hole? Yes, with a triple. Kerrching.
Pyle and Kenfig, bring it on!
Wednesday 28 March 2012
SCC unveil major new sponsor
...........................BREAKING NEWS...............................
In a brief statement from SCC HQ, it has been confirmed that Nike Golf has clinched the deal to be the kit sponsor for the coming few editions of the SCC.
It appears that while in the past they were keen to endorse the title bids of Birmingham and Nottingham they wanted nothing to do them Manc lot! There stance has since been softened by the re-signing of Windy Miller for this years event and his brown nosing antics are sure to win over the fans and try and get some good Nike press after the shhhhhh (Tiger affair).
More to follow.........(probably not!)
Sunday 19 February 2012
Return to competetive golf "couldn't have gone better" says SCC returnee Miller
Hole in one! The magic words all golfers love to hear. Matthew Miller, 67 this July, celebrates his first ever below: 
Whilst facing a tough tussle with his wife in the inaugral 'Mead Open Farm Crazy Golf Challenge', Miller showed his warm up regime was starting to pay dividends. Revelling in the extreme pressure from his wife (of whom it has been noted by no lesser an authority than S. Guyton esq that she is "the purest striker of a ball in the Guyton family" ho ho Neil!) , Miller strode purposefully to the 7th tee and stroked his putt unerringly into the hole.
Whilst facing a tough tussle with his wife in the inaugral 'Mead Open Farm Crazy Golf Challenge', Miller showed his warm up regime was starting to pay dividends. Revelling in the extreme pressure from his wife (of whom it has been noted by no lesser an authority than S. Guyton esq that she is "the purest striker of a ball in the Guyton family" ho ho Neil!) , Miller strode purposefully to the 7th tee and stroked his putt unerringly into the hole.An added bonus for Miller appeared in his discovering his 'ball of choice' for this year's SCC:
Friday 17 February 2012
Captain Williams is 'Court Out'
Here at Age Concern we take all discrimination seriously. It appears that one of our elder members, 83 year old Matthew Miller of Tring, is considering bringing action against this year's SCC Captain, Dominic Williams for deliberate and blatant 'Age-ism' in 'dropping him like a bad habit' from this years update email. In news sure to send ripples of shock round the SCC world, he has discounted consulting fellow SCC'er Mattkinson for legal advice as he found him "too expensive and doesn't fancy being charged £250 an hour to talk to his secretary". Miller has instead gone with the vastly experienced Doris Spaniels-Ears, pictured here at recent celebrations for her 100th consecutive case win (i think):
The latest issue of 'Saga' will have a full interview with Mr Miller. In it he recounts his fond memory of the last SCC he attended (winning it) and notes how much he is looking forward to triumphing in this years 'Nose Off' with the 'vaguely' better looking Williams brother.
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