The SCC: June 2010

Friday 25 June 2010

SCC Welcomes The News Of Another Deserter

BREAKING NEWS ............. BREAKING NEWS .....................

At a press conference quickly arranged less than 2 hours ago, Peter "Swings
like a legend, putts like a girl" Bramwell approached the microphone.....

"First and foremost, let this be understood that we are very happy to hear
the exciting news from Team Birmingham camp. We all wish Sally well and
that the forthcoming months are stressfree and relaxing, much unlike playing
a round of golf with her husband.

It has come as a shock to the whole SCC community that Team Birmingham
linchpin, Ben "He Shoots, He Scores" Williams is to become a father, which
will undoubtedly be ruling him out from the next few years of SCC
competition.

On the flipside, we are pleased to announce that Nick "I'm here and I'm
Queer" Brooker, is delighted with the prospect of not only becoming an
uncle, but to also lose the deadweight that is Ben Williams.

I have a statement which he wishes me to read to you all...

"As you all know now, Ben will be retiring at the end of this year.
This leaves me with many mixed emotions, most of them whirling around the
idea of just bringing in the new partner now, therefore not drawing out the
inevitable. Ben has held me back over the years, and has been nothing short
of devastating for Team Birmingham. His ears and nose have cast many a
shadow over the team, and I am ready to start a fresh. I have heard that
there is a promising young lad from the blind and deaf school around the
corner, who seems to be playing a more consistant game than Ben at present.

Whatever happens I will be keeping my options open and no doubt I will be
keeping you all fully informed."

I can only agree with Nick that swift action needs to be taken, as it was
done with that former player for Team Manchester who's name escapes me....

We will be keeping you informed on these breaking events in the lead up to
SCC 2010, and you will be notified of any team changes.

I will not be answering any questions as I need to go and take a paternity
test this afternoon.

Thank you for attending"

Pres

Thursday 24 June 2010

Team Liverpool Golf fans rejoice!

With just two weeks to go until SCC 2010, reporters flocked to Chorley Golf Club, Lancahire to watch an intriguing matchplay between Seddon Senior/Team Liverpool's Seddon Junior and the force (formally known) Team Manchester. Bramwell and Guyton's love affair will be sorely missed this year but after such a performance, surely Mr Miller can only improve things. The crowds oooooh'd and ahhhh'd as the ball flight from Bramwell has obviously improved but it's now the simple things that let his game down. Stepping up to the plate as Team Manchester's number one may be a bridge too far come Tenby a fortnight tomorrow, and avoiding the wooden spoon will be object number 1.

A pushed putt on the 2nd and a pull on all the others topped off an irritating round for Team Manc's number 1. There was a small consolation for Bramwell as a par on the (stroke index 2) 4th hole was enough to clinch the hole. Playing his 2nd shot from the 5th fairway (70yards left of target), Bramwell hit a blind 2nd which some how came within 15ft but a solid lag never threatened the hole for a birdie three.

The sheer power of Liverpool's Seddon and the accuracy of Senior, soon wore down the reigning champions and a run of Par, Birdie, Birdie, Par including a stunning 5 iron from under a tree on the Par 5 14th from Seddon Junior finished the match 4 & 3. Minus some early tee shots, Liverpool's number 1's game is coming together just in time. "Let's just hope the putter stays hot, I'm putting like God!" harked Seds.

On Friday a group of SCC regulars will be teeing it up in Nottingham for the annual 'Another Marital Status soon to be crippled Open'. This event is another last ditch preparation for the individuals involved as they try to avoid the SCC wooden spoon title and give grandad Miller a dust down. We wait in anticipation for reports on this event and SCC blogspot is the only place to keep you up to date with the latest breaking news, odds and betting.

Regards,

Captain Cappello's understudy.

Monday 21 June 2010

Don Fabio... Bramwell makes "big mistake"

We caught up with Don Capello after he'd had another couple of beers with the England lads....

Naturalmente siamo relativi, imbecile!

(Of course we are related, imbecile!)

E sono un grande ventilatore dello Second City Challenge, come I' m. sure che conoscete

(And I am a big fan of the SCC, as I'm sure you know.)

Infatti, ora penso esso... It' s evidente siamo relativi.

(In fact, now I think of it... It's obvious we are related. )

Sono un genio di sport.

(I am a sporting genius.)

Matkinson è un genio di sport.

(Matkinson is a sporting genius.)

Ha più talento in suo mignolo che voi tipi avere nel vostro intero gioco.

(He has more talent in his little finger than you guys have in your entire game.)

La sua oscillazione è più dolce dei la maggior parte tiramisu sublime.

(His swing is sweeter than the most sublime tiramisu.)

Scompigliate con Matkinson.

(You mess with Matkinson.)

Scompigliate con me.

(You mess with me.)

Congratulazioni Ben, a proposito

(Congratulations Ben, by the way.)

Gmac dedicates mickey mouse Open to SCC psyche!

Team Liverpool heartthrob Chris (just jump off dom) Seddon had a rude awakening this morning from none other than the new US Open champion, Graeme Mcdowell. Mcdowell has been taking advice from the Liverpool psychological mastermind. Seddon stated, “Its true, Gmac called before teeing it up for his final round. He wanted to know how to get into his playing partners head, Dustin Johnson who had a three shot lead. We discussed a few comments and riddles that would suit his cheeky Irish tones and worked on the timing of these.” Mcdowell commented in his championship press conference, “ I couldn’t of grinded down the young American without the help of my SCC idol. We referred to well known ‘Bumwell 2009 Pennard blow up’ where Neil (shit, little Ted came early and I’m aloud to play now) Gayton scored the round of his life to claim the SCC Goblets! After a few needles to Johnson he was in tatters and was shitting shots to score a remarkable 82. Now that’s what I call a bottle job you American wanker!” Graeme followed on to mention that he is looking forward to viewing the SCC 2010 and hopes Team Liverpool can seal the deal at Seddon’s third time of asking. “I will be taking part in the final preparation round with team Liverpool at Royal Porthcawl GC on Thursday 8th July and use it as vital training for the ‘proper’ Open at St Andrews later that month”.
With less than three weeks to go until the most anticipated Golf tournament in the world, Tenby’s preparations are in full swing, with the grandstands and barriers being erected by the day. Lets just hope the porn selection is up to scratch. Over and Out!

Friday 18 June 2010

DNA Test Required?

As Capello struggles over his team selection for tonight's match against Algeria, another prominent story is lurking in the murky shadows.

They have never been seen in the same room, but now they are going to have to answer to the media face to face.

Are Matkinson and Capello the same person?
Is Capello one of Matkinsons love children, or are they brothers?

Questions which are hard to answer, but not hard to believe.

I for one back our SCC Captain and the utter bullshit that usually comes out of his mouth, but this time I will be listening with intent with what he has to say.

Over to you Captain.

President and Honorable Person.

Monday 7 June 2010

SECOND CITY SCANDAL!

Team Liverpool and Birmingham members unveil shock new underhand tactics in a blatant effort to destabilise Team Manchesters better looking half:

HORROR! Coercing an innocent little girl to get her sticky chocolate fingers all over Matt Millers 6 Iron.

SHOCK! Provoke a sweet young child to swing wildly at innocent stuffed toy 'Bob the Cat'.

HAPPY ENDING! All in attendance agreed that Bethany's swing was far more likely to last under pressure than Team Nottinghams homosexual-even-though-recently-married half.

SCC History

The idea of an annual golfing challenge between Birmingham and Manchester was first proposed at some time over the Christmas of 2005. Since that time, two-ball teams have fought over a gruelling weekend for the honour of calling their city ‘Britain’s Second City’.

Royal Nefyn Golf Course in North Wales hosted the first competition over the Easter of 2006.

The representatives of Birmingham, Nicholas Brooker and Benjamin Williams fought to the last hole of an intense weekend of golf, over three rounds, only to succumb to a world-class put on the final hole from Peter Bramwell, representing Manchester. Neil Guyton, the other member of the Manchester pairing carded an estimated two under par for the final round to help the Mancunians to the title of Britain’s Second City, 2006.

The success of the competition in its fledgling year was enough to generate interest from other cities around the country believing they can stake a claim to the title of Britain’s Second City.

The competition moved to Royal St Davids in 2007 and witnessed a swelling in competitor numbers with the introduction of groups from Liverpool and Nottingham. Mathew Atkinson playing for Liverpool and Simon Porter and Dominic Williams playing for Nottingham were unable to mount any sort of a challenge in the new format competition. Manchester retained their crown after another tense final hole in which Nottingham could have won either the title or wooden spoon. They ended up with the latter. Birminghams challenge was dealt a cruel blow as Ben Williams was struck down by tonsilitus.

SCC2008 was hosted by Averdovey over a cold and windy April weekend. For the first time, competitor numbers were at capacity with the addition of Chris Seddon to the Liverpool team. As seems to be the tradition with the competition, the title went to the last hole where Birmingham held their nerve against a rejuvinated Nottingham pairing. Liverpool collected the wooden spoon.

SCC2009 tooks the competitors to South Wales and the Pennard Golf Club, near Swansea. With a surge of golf club membership over the summer, the event promised to dish up golf of an even higher quality than had been witnessed so far. However, the extreme challenge presented by Pennard reduced the competetors to wrecks of the former golfers they once were! Manchester secured their 3rd title at the 16th hole of the final round against a highly competitive Team Liverpool. Birmingham narrowly beat Liverpool to second place with a final round victory over the wooden spoon winners Nottingham.

2010 was a big year for the SCC. The 5th year anniversary competition saw the teams take on a the new challenge of Tenby Golf Course. In a break with tradition, this years captain was elected from outside of the original foursome and all agreed than Matkinson did an excellent job. Neil Guytons absence from the Team Manchester line up did little to change the recent trend. Pet Bumwell, partnered by Matt Miller, chalked up another victory on the excellent Tenby track. The only thing counting against the course was the huge journies faced by all.

2011 saw Nick take up the captaincy reigns. The SCC went back to it's roots and introduced Nottingham and Liverpool to the wonders of the old course at Neffyn.

2012 is a seminal year in the history of the competition. The format and name were both changed in order to expand the number of competitors to 9. The Second City Challenge from this point on became simply The SCC. The new competition now pitches 3 3-ball teams against each other, drawn according to handicap this year, but in future years based upon performance in the previous years competition. The first test of the new competition was held at Pyle and Kenfig. 'Getting blobby' was born amidst some high scoring as a result of the usual SCC weather.

2013 took The SCC to North Wales Golf Club, Llandudno in the hope of providing a slightly less harsh golfing test for the players. The rain and wind stayed away for the most part and scores were must improved. An early target for best individual score was set by B Williams of 46 points (off a handicap of 20).