The SCC board woke up to the devastating news this morning that the stalwart of the SCC players Mr Chris 'Media Whore' Seddon will not be able to play at SCC '13.
As most people now know, Seddon likes to get about a bit. He can be often found in some far flung destination enticing the local homosexuals by seductively blowing his trumpet in various tight leiderhosen,
Being the new 'face of Dior'
Or, causing him to miss this year's SCC, regrouping with ABBA at the Eurovision finals.
Never one to miss the opportunity to blow his metal appendage in public, Seddon had this to say, "It was obviously a very difficult decision to make, I hope the boys will understand. When ABBA approached me I knew it would be bad news for the SCC, but one look at the spandex which they suggested I wear and I was sold."
Retirement of a Legend
In further news it is reported that Si 'Who?' Porter will be retiring his Donnay Slammer after 26 years of faithful service and loyalty. Simon had this to say to the media...
"I have absolutely no script in my mind. I'm just going to ramble on and hope I get to the core of what this golf club has meant to me. This is a thank you to Donnay. Not just the directors, not just the medical staff, the coaching staff, the other SCC players and supporters. It's all of you. This has been the most fantastic experience of my life. Thank you."
"I have been very fortunate that I've been able to play with this club at many special golf clubs throughout Wales. Although I have never held the SCC trophy it has helped me win the wooden spoon many times in fantastic fashion."
"My retirement from Donnay does mean the end of my life with this club. I'll now be able to enjoy looking for my ball at least another 15 yards further from the tee, rather than suffer with the embarrassment of having to search for it just short of the ladies tee's. But, if you think about it, those duck-hooks, the slices, even the air shots are all part of this great Donnay Slammer ... so thank you for that."
"I'd also like to remind you that when we had bad times with the club, all the staff stood by me, all the SCC players stood by me. Your job now is to stand by my new club selection.
"Before I start blubbing, I just want to speak to Chris Seddon who will be missing this years event. He is unbelievable. One of the greatest players we've ever had and ever will ever.
"I also want to wish Matt Miller a speedy recovery to form and return to the golf course.
"I wish the SCC players every success in the future You know how good you are, you know the clubs you're playing with and you know what it means to everyone here. Don't ever let yourselves down. The expectation is always there."
Wise words, from a wise man.
Pete
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