excerpt from next Saturday's 'Piers Morgan Life Stories: Matthew Miller'

Miller: Please Piers I’m just not able to comment in any way on the speculation as to why Sol Campbell actually left Notts County. However hard you push I simply cannot comment.

Morgan: Come on Matt admit it, was it really due to a broken heart? Did the upcoming marriage of his ‘special friend’ Dom Williams tip him over the edge?

Miller: Really Piers you have to stop looking at those websites. Can we move away from the whole area of man love, I'm just not comfortable with it. Let's get back to my upcoming debut at the renowned SCC. I’ve got some important things to say.

Morgan: Ok Matt let’s do that. Now some would say you’re at a serious disadvantage this year in replacing so skilled a golfer as Neil McGayton?

Miller: Piers there’s no denying it Neil can play golf. And swear at umpires in Hockey, he's very good at that. Frankly I’m hot and cold. Streaky if you like. Sh*t if you must. However, and let me say this clearly, I have ABSOLUTE faith that my partner this year will play out of his skin. Or at least to his handicap. Or maybe even to my handicap at a push.

Morgan: Can he be trusted? We’ve seen what can happen, I mean 27 off the tee at Pen…

Miller: let me stop you there Piers. What’s past is past. Perhaps Neil was overly indulgent before (especially so with the bed wetting incidents), however I know Pete has matured into a sensible, grounded human being. I mean he’s now in charge of organizing my stag do! So yes let’s talk about trust shall we. On the golf course I trust Peter implicitly. And vice versa. He knows I'll always have some beers in my bag.

Morgan: Now these allegations of an incident in Portugal, in which a Team Birmingham competitor was injured…

Miller: I have no idea how these things follow me around, scurrilous clap trap. Yes I was playing at Pestana with my Team Manchester team mate and Ben. And yes Ben stumbled and fell, injuring his ankle. I’ll admit Pete was waaaaaay off left looking for a ball he had hooked the hell out of , as impossible as that sounds. Yes I was the nearest person to Ben. But let me categorically say again I DID NOT PUSH HIM OVER. It was an accident and the poor little soldier seemed to shake it off to have some fun on the water slides a few days later.

Morgan: Ok so we’re going to wrap up here, anything else you’d like to add?

Miller: Absolutely Piers. Team Manchester may be much changed this year but one thing that hasn’t altered is our UTTER conviction that we fight on and we fight to win. And we drink on and we drink to win as well I'd like to add.

Actual, genuine, real interest in the SCC!

In a first for this site, "Pembs Listings", a real life, totally not made up by any of the usual bloggers organisation have become followers of the SCC blog spot!

Welcome to the world of the SCC Pembs Listings. The group, who list themselves as "Promoting Pembrookshire its services,, businesses, places of interest, attractions, events and much more" are welcome to contribute to the blog and enjoy the fun it brings.

This recognition by the real world has sparked a frenzy of activity in news rooms across the world as interest from a non-fictional body puts the SCC on the brink of the big time.

Former captain and Team Birmingham rock Ben Williams, has reassured local press by stating that the competition would remain true to it's roots. In a swipe at some of his competitors, Williams added that Team Birmingham would most certainly not be selling their souls to the corporate machine by signing up to any team sponsorship.

"Nick and I compete in the the SCC for the love of the game and the opportunity to share a bed, preferably with a soft floral duvet. Making money off of the success of the competition has never been something that has interested Team Birmingham. The work we do for charity and the donations we make from our SCC revenue often gets overlooked".

The pair do vast amounts of work with the underprivelaged in their city, mainly employing them on half the mininum wage working on their often flamboyant golfing attire in the back street sweat shops of Dudley.

Live Sponsorship Breaking News ...... Breaking News ...........

After Dominic "Hey Fella, Wanna Have Some Fun?" Williams's exciting press release yesterday, it seems that the rest of the SCC Teams have battled to steal the limelight from Team Nottingham.

It was only a matter of hours until Team Birmingham held a press conference to discuss their sponsors of this years competition. Held in the flouse of one of the teams entrants Nick "I'm The Gay One" Brooker, came waddling up to the mic to announce their deals....

"Hello ladies and espcially the gentlemen, as you all know I have being struggling with a recent bout of AIDs, but thankfully that is now calming down and I can continue with my extra-curricular activities (wink's at Simon Thompson from the Daily Mail in the front row).

It is with great pleasure that I can confirm Mothercare are to be our leading sponsors as Dom so kindly announced for us, but I can also say that another leading brand will also be supporting us to attain a Number Three spot this year.

Trojan Extra Small Condoms - "For When The Man In You, Wants A Man In You", are proud to be supporting Team Bumingham and we are proud to have them right behind us (a wry smile crosses Nick's Face)."

Ben "I'm nearly forty you know" Williams, was also quick to backup the partner who has carried him for the past 4 years. "A lot of people thought that it would be tough for us to gain sponsorship after last years embarrassing performance, and to be fair, who would blame them? I can only say that this year I will be relying on my partner again, and I know better than anyone that Nick likes nothing better that for a man to be right by his side."


In other news, Team Manchester, will be shortly announcing their sponsors for this year. With their impressive haul of wins it will be no surprise to see Callaway and Nike once again extend their contracts, but with the shameful Matt "I am actually forty Ben" Miller joining the team, who knows what could happen.

Watch this space

Team Nottingham Reveal Huge Sponsorship Deals!

Not wanting to be outdone by Chris 'my team are going down this year' Seddon and his recent announcement about sponsorship, Dom Williams (the playing member of Team Nottingham) released the following Press release:

"It is with great pleasure that Team Nottingham are able to reveal that they now have three seperate commercial contracts with big corporate giants as they attempt to avoid the wooden spoon for the third time in four years.

We have agreed a two year deal with Tampax who will not only provide a financial contribution to training fees but have also agreed to provide us with unlimited tampons over the next two years for us to give to Pete when he blobs a hole. Steve Cotton (CEO of Tampax) said " we all know how bad Bumwell is at golf and what an all round terrible bloke he is, and having followed SCC closely over the last four years we are aware of his extremely poor record against team Nottingham, therefore we will need to increase our productivity at all of our local plants to meet the obvious need for our product at Tenby."

Mothercare have also come on board as our official supplier of baby products. Pi Sorter explained that "Mothercare noticed an opportunity to exploit the market by plugging their latest range of dummies and toys at this years tournament, apparently Nick Brooker hasn't been playing much golf recently so we are expecting several pulled drives, shanks and duffed chips from him, when added to the odd snide comment from Team Nottingham's usually tight lipped, liberal, pin up, Dom Williams, we expect there to be numerous occasions whereby toys / dummies are thrown out of the pram so we contacted Mothercare who were more than happy to supply Mr Brooker with enough apparel to satisfy his temper tantrums."

Apple are the third big name to jump on board Team Nottingham's apparent commercial rollercoaster. Dom Williams was on hand to explain the benefits of this deal, "last years fixture against Liverpool whilst very enjoyable was also somewhat painful. The main problem was that we had to put up with Seddon's incessant bulls**t, therefore we wanted something to drown out his Northern dulcid tone, therefore we approached Apple via Pi Sorter's IBM connections and they agreed to supply a brace of Ipod Nano's and unlimited access to their itunes collection. We will no doubt feel the benefit even as early on as the first fairway."

The official press release did not reveal that Team Nottingham have also secured a "naming rights sponsor", un-named sources have revealed to Blogspot.com that a deal is all but agreed with Poundland. The details of the deal are a little sketchy, but it would appear the collaboration will result in "Nottingham Poundland" becoming the official name of Team Nottingham for 2010. It is thought that Nottingham's cheap image is the main reason that the affordable retail outlet have joined forces with them as their is a strong synergy between their two products.

No doubt the other teams will scrambling around to find themselves new and exciting sponsorship deals, be sure to revisit this site for all the gossip.

P.S. Matt Miller is a homo!

Seddon Thanks Sponsors

With just 120 days to go, the golfing calendar is looking forward to the biggest weekend of the year. This has not evaded the biggest names in golf and two major players have signed up to back the likely favourites in 2010....Team Liverpool. The improving partnership are set to take Tenby by storm this summer after narrowly loosing out to team Manchester in what can only have been a drug inhibited final round! A security breach in Pennards locker room recorded "Theres no way Gayton can putt and chip so well and Bumwell needing to play off the ladies tees to compete with his 9 hole handicap, without some drug abuse somewhere in the round" could be heard from Mr Captain Elect fuming at the urinal pre- awards presentation.
Mizuno and Titleist have stepped forward to support Seddon's golfing exploits this week. After kitting out Chris (how does a category 2 golfer strike a ball so well) Seddon with some new Irons, wedges and a bag. After a 7 day meeting/negotiation a 3 year deal was struck.
Seddon has decided to extend his charity work further this year and is auctioning off his old weapons of mass destruction to "club" together a few lessons for Pi Sorter and psychological assessments for Bumwell as Seddon's stomach cant take laughing as hard again this year at the none starters, and wishes to take the competition very seriously this year!
Seddon was quoted " With the unbelievable talent on show I'm sure we will see all the top brands interested in our players this year".....as a scuffle erupts in the background, a question is thrown towards Team Liverpool's younger half..."Mr Seddon, Mr Seddon...Gordon Slice here, CEO of Molitor Golf, have you got Team Nottingham's contact details"......Seds: "I'm afraid I dont. If you want any details of meet ups with Nottingham Team, you must RSVP to a date you have no idea when it occurs, ideal that, its just the way they organise things!"

Shortly after, Seddon headed for a blacked out limo, straight to Heathrow for a week in Gran Canaria to acclimatises himself with his new products...watch this space!

2010 - The Year to Define all Years

The tension - unbearable
The excitement - oozing

He stretches, practices, tee's up ..... BOOM.


Royal St Hale erupted yesterday when President Peter 'Lock Away Your Daughters' Bumwell stepped up to start off his golfing campaign of 2010. Spectators, could be heard screaming "He's much more attractive in the flesh!" and "My God, Look at the length of that!", as Bumwell tore up the difficult double 9 course.

We briefly caught up with Sir Bumwell at the end of his astonishing round and he had this to say...

"Well, what can I say, this course just keeps surprising me each year. It really is a testament to the greenstaff to make this course a very very different round from the first nine to the remaining 9 holes.
As much as anybody may say it's only a 9 holer, I say well, what happen's when you multiply 9 by 2?

No?

Well I'll help you .... 18 ..... that's correct.

I won't be the first to say it, though many have said it before me, I play my golf like I live my life ... fast, hard and god damn sexy."

At this point a rather big nosed muffle came from the crowd,"Mr Bumwell .. Sir, may I ask how you seemingly thrash the course into a pathetic whimpering wreck when you practice, yet when you actually come to play in a competition you somewhat bottle it?"

"Sorry, is that Ben 'My ears are also rather large' Williams? Well, it's actually rather embarrassing for me, I know I play like a legend, but I don't want to make those I play with fell inadequate, they try so hard all year, and I mean playing with me is experience enough, I just want to make them feel better. I do it for my fans, not me."



Astonishing words from a true gentleman of the game.