Benny One-Putt Hails ‘Perfect Win’

Benny ‘one-putt’ Williams has claimed an encouraging victory in the first official SCC2009 warm-up event of the year. The highly respected Stephen George & Partners Crazy Golf Open Championship was hosted by the Star City Adventure Island Mini Golf Course which is towered over by the awe inspiring spaghetti junction, on the outskirts of picturesque Birmingham.

On his was to a score of 44 (+6), Williams carded an impressive hole in one on the revered 9th hole, a dog leg right, then left, then right again which includes several outrageous mounds, some nasty looking boulders and a sneaky drainpipe shortcut.

Upon receiving the trophy in front of a near capacity crowd, Benny had this to say: “Winning this event is a proud moment for me. Stephen George & Partners are a great architects practice whom I know have at least one outstanding urban designer on their books. Their support of the Respect campaign has been outstanding and is a very worthy cause.”

When questioned about his game preparations for the SCC, he told us that “the hours of practice I’ve been spending with my new putter and changes to my stroke have given an immediate return. I’m just so happy!”

Other teams have previously pointed to one-putts game on the greens as Team Birmingham’s major flaw. This win is likely to shoot fear to the heart of the other competitors as the build up to this years event continues.

Liverpool Commitment

At today’s SCC press briefing, Matt Atkinson confirmed Team Liverpool’s intention to continue their participation in the competition for the foreseeable future.
In light of recent rumours regarding the Scouse pairing, Atkinson was keen to stress that neither him nor his partner, Chris Seddon have ever been tempted to join Team Bolton, the renegade team set up by Russian Billionaire Growman Bigcockovich.

Atkinson refused to be drawn on the speculation surrounding himself and Bigcockovich and was visibly annoyed when one reporter repeatedly quizzed him about the photos published in last weekends News of the World.

In an effort to defect attention from the latest sleazy scandal to embroil this years SCC competition, Atkinson announced that Team Liverpool are changing from their orange shirts to white. And whilst the star suggested that this was purely a commercial decision, speculation continues that the move to white shirts is the first toward the transformation into Team Bolton.

South Korea Golf?

As many of you will know by now, the SCC is not just a British phenomenon, it is a global orgy fest, pulling in visitors from far flung countries such as Argentina, India and even Ireland. So my next phase as President is to encourage visitors from SOUTH KOREA to view our blog.

I will be starting a South Korea Golf poll and those of you who are correct in you answer will receive a pint from myself on the SCC weekend, so please post your answers in the blog, otherwise they won't count.

Question: When will a person view the blog from South Korea?

1. 0 - 2 Weeks
2. 2 - 4 Weeks
3. 4 - 6 weeks
4 Not Before the SCC '09 Smackdown


In order to encourage South Korean searches i will now just add random words. South Korea Golf, South Korea, South Korean Golf.South Korea Golf, South Korea, South Korean Golf.South Korea Golf, South Korea, South Korean Golf.South Korea Golf, South Korea, South Korean Golf.South Korea Golf, South Korea, South Korean Golf.

Wonder how long until we are number one hit on Google for South Korea Golf?

Adiue

SCC Caddie Selections

As Mr President for the next three years i have decided to add a "Caddie Selection"
(near the bottom of the blog) gallery to our blog. I hope that this is acceptable to all members and any any comments would be greatly recieved.

Team Manchester - An Apology

*News Feed 12.55pm 20/4/2009*

Interviewer- ".... And we come live now from outside The Bumwell Label Company for Mr President Peter Bumwell's response to Team Nottingham's scandalous reports...."

Peter Bumwell- "Ladies, Gentleman, Nick. I stand here before you today ashamed and disgraced. I have known for a while about the circulation of the damaging photograph and was worried about what rumor would be brought with it.

I can clearly see that Mr D (for D!ck) Williams, has quite blatantly got the wrong end of the stick (so to speak). If you look at the picture a bit closer you will notice that Neil, 34, is actually sitting a foot closer to the camera than myself and the perspective makes it look that he is licking my lucious lips. But this is not the case, the actual story (and this is the reason why I am so ashamed and disgraced) is that this picture clearly shows what I was looking away from, and what Neil was not happy (sticking his tounge out in a childlike manner) about.

As President of the SCC, I would like to confirm the news that Mr D (for D!ick) Williams has no penis.



Many a man thought that he was quite well endowed, and no more so than Team Liverpools local sexual-homo Mr C (Massive C) Seddon and regular sexual-pest Mrs M Nowland.

We can see that upon further inspection it is none other than a pink Tie, and no-one is more disappointed than Mr Seddon.

A statement from the pair is due to be released later on today from their one bed sex-dungeon.

I apologise for the hurt this may cause some people, my only hope is that this matter can be "put to bed"."

Interviewer - ".... Shocking I'm sure you'll agree. Now over to James at Mr N (Gay) Brooker's flouse on day 3,465 of sex watch to see if Nick has lost his redeveloped virginity?"

James- "No"

Interviewer- "Thanks James, back to the studio."

Team Manchester Officially 'Come out'

It will come as no suprise to regular visitors of this extremely popular blogsite that the Team Manchester pairing of Pete Bumwell and Neil Gayton have decided to end speculation about their 'special' relationship by revealing exclusively to blogspot.com that they are involved in a long term serious sexual relationship. It is not known whether or not the pair had planned to come out with this news or whether they were made aware of the attached image of them enjoying a nice quiet meal together at their favourite bistro pub - The Old Cock Inn in Soho which forced their hand. The pair were snapped whilst undertaking what can only be described as a damn good tongueing session, it is thought that this lead to some pretty horrific sex games that would shock the majority of our readers and would drag the repuatation of this highly revered site down to the doldroms.

Bumwell who so graciously allowed other SCC members join him at his 9 hole pitch and putt in Hale had this to say: " I have always kind of known that I like boys, even from a young age I was the first in the showers and the last out. I have been living a lie, my marriage to Neil's sister was a ploy to get close to him, I couldn't control myself, I feel like I have let everyone down by lying over the years." Team Nottingham superstar Simon Porter heard about this comment and said "he (Bumwell) really has let everyone down, I never had this sort of problem when playing with Nick Faldo."

This news will no doubt need to be discussed with the SCC Captain Ben Williams who will need to make the call as to whether the SCC will allow two such outwardly blatant bummers into this years tournament.

Watch this space for news updates which will no doubt be posted imminently.

SCC Superstars Remember The Little People!

Five years ago no one could have ever imagined that the SCC would have turned into the great championship that we see today.  Last years event saw record crowds (3 people looked through the window of clubhouse wondering why we were playing in the pissing rain!) and an unprecedented standard of golf played (Bumwell - 114 shots, 12 balls etc!).

But with the great success has come some bad press.  The untouchable superstars of the SCC such as Peter 'I've run out golf balls' Bumwell and Ben '3 or 4 putt' Williams have been living the high life, reaping the rewards that come with being an Amatuer Champion of InterCity Major Championship Golf and turning their backs on the 9 hole municipals where they learnt their trade with their 'less talented' mates.  Wait a minute, Bumwell still plays at a 9 hole municipal doesn't he?

Anyway, with this in mind some of the biggest names in SCC history have decided to allow a couple of their biggest fans the opportunity to walk the same emerald turf as them this weekend.  Watch 'boom boom' Brooker smash a drive, see 'lets hit a fade' Guyton caress one greenwards, have a chat with 'lets make a funny northern joke' Seddon.  All of these will be happening when some of the stars of the SCC generously donate their time in aid of charity  and the two highest bidders that will be playing some golf with them this Easter are Matt 'I can't remember his surname but he has just bought a house with Emily' Thingey and Martin 'Pete clearly didn't get his golfing talent from me' Bumwell.

The warm up will be played at some northern pitch and putt with the grand finale at Royal Harborne GC. 

Dark Clouds Gather Over Sherwood Forest

The SCC rumour mill has gone into overdrive of late with news that Team Nottingham have once again shown that they are very much Sherriff of Nottingham and not Robin Hood when it comes to fair play…

A source of this reporter understands that Dominic “Tuck” Williams is intent on copying the preparation of Team Birmingham superstar “Long” Ben Williams in the run in to this years competition. Not content with making his hair the same colour as Long Ben, it is rumoured that Tuck has now also been seen playing with the same putter!

Bens recent change to the Odyssey two-ball from the Ping putter which has widely been reported as being possibly the hardest putter to use in the world ever, members of Harborne GC have been treated to some spectacular putting of late.
It is thought that Tuck must have placed spies in the Harborne club who have reported back to him with news of the change which have then lead to this dark move.

These underhand tactics will surely not go unnoticed by the SCC committee and there have been unconfirmed reports that SCC2009 Captain Ben Williams is considering disciplinary action.

Tee Times Confirmed

2009 SCC Captain Mr B Williams can now confirm tee times for this years event. As is customary, the reigning champions will be off first on Friday morning. All matches will be decided in the usual manner - a few scaps of paper pulled out of a pint glass by the hottest looking girl in the pub on Thursday night.

Tee times are confimed as;

Friday 26th June 2009

Morning tees;
9.30am: Team Birmingham v Team ??
9.38am: Team ?? v Team ??

Afiernoon tees;
3.20pm: Team Birmingham v Team ??
3.30pm: Team ?? v Team ??

Saturday 27th June 2009
2.00pm: Team Birmingham v Team ??
2.10pm: Team ?? v Team ??

Bumwell can't hide his delight

Blogspot.com can exclusively reveal that Pete Bumwell has been spotted on camera during a live sex show with what appears to be other members of his new family. This photograph provides clear evidence of Pete enjoying himself a little too much in the presence of his new cousin-in-law with the major surprise being that the cousin-in-law in question is not a Mr N Brooker! This incriminating photograph was taken 35 seconds into the family sex game and Bumwell appears to have already made his contribution - rumours of a biscuit in the middle of the room are as yet unsubstantiated.

Bumwell has a history of 'getting his clubs out too early' and being a little over zealous when 'cleaning his balls' but this story is no doubt going to cause friction with Bumwell's long suffering partner Ms N Guyton. Team Manchester are already rank outsiders for SCC 2009 and stories such as will certainly not help their cause.

Our top reporter managed to track down Team Liverpool's joker Chris Seddon to gain valuable insight into the psyche of Bumwell and his bizarre sex games but Seddon wouldn't / couldn't comment because at the time he appeared to be enjoying what looked like a wet biscuit of some sort.

Seddon's nickname is the musicman, which his down to his love of blowing his own trumpet, which is alledgedly is the same name another one of the games that Pete Bumwell likes to play.

Up until recently Team Liverpool's mercurial big hitter has been very quiet on the blogging front, but rumour has it that following his split with Birmingham's very own Casanova, Mike 'long shlong' Nowland, he has spent less time playing Pro evo and generally bumming around which should see him joining in the fun and entering his own blogs on to this extremely valuable and informative blogsight.

Everyone Gets A Prize...

As being President of the Second City Challenge i would first like to welcome Mr B Obama into our select group. I know what you are all thinking, you're thinking "Is he going to go with a racist joke, or a dumb american president jibe." Well i'm going to surprise you and do neither... what i will say though is that i know he is going to do a great job, as those type of folk do work so very hard.

Now onto the golf, and what a week it has been. Team Birmingham were supposed to take on the better half of Team Manchester last weekend, in what was going to be a competition of epic proportions. They tried lots of nasty tricks to get Peter to pull out, one being trying to get him arrested at a petrol station for theft (true story!), but in the end they were so scared about being beaten, that they phoned ahead and got Harborne to close their stupid effing sh!tty course. As you can tell there are no hard feelings about getting up at 7 in the the morning, on a Sunday, with a cold brewing. Peter has seemed to have taken it all in his stride, although he did have a short comment to say to Team Birmingham, "C**ts."

But i assure, avid SCC followers, this past weekend was all worth the effort, for this little story i am going to tell you now....

Along time ago, when the ugly part of Team Manchester (Neil) was only young, he gained an older, female, admirer. He could never remember why such an aging lady had a "crush" on him, until his mother, a Mrs H Guyton, reminded him of the fact that he had won the trophy that the older lady had donated to Letchworth Golf Club. Upon hearing this news Neil replied, "No mother you must be mistaken, for i had such limp wrists when i was a young child i could barley put my pink jumpers on. I'm sure i never won an actual trophy." Mrs H Guyton replied,"Ah but that is where you are mistaken, my little homosexual child. You won that guilded putter one year for (and this is the best bit) .... 'Trying The Hardest'". Ha - gay!

I thought that i would share that with you. Until next time adieu.

Mr President (not President Elect)

Peter Bramwell (legend)

Another "Hole In One" Controvesry....

When Team Manchesters top number two player, Neil Guyton, was publicly disgraced for his "I got a hole in one but nobody saw it" antics, the SCC board was happy to wash their hands of the scum that surrounded the story, but it seems that the players haven't learnt.

Nick Brooker, still single, claimed to have succesfully secured his first hole-in-one at the weekend, whilst playing a round of golf with his 'friends'. He had claimed that he had 'slam-dunked' his tee shot from the 14th (known as Ben's Bush to the locals) straight into the hole.

Upon questioning his so called playing partners they seemed to recall the incident in quite a different manner. Local blind man Mr A Jones, 23, had accompanied Nick on his round that afternoon,"I quite clearly remember Nick's tee shot as he seemed quite annoyed that he had shanked it into the woods. When we got near to the green we had to look for his ball in the trees whilst Nick said,'I'll go and check the hole in case it got a lucky bounce off the tree and rolled in!' And as luck would have it, it had. I still don't trust that fella, i can't see but i can certainly see through his lies." Strong words from a respected man, i'm sure you will agree.

In an also unfortunate twist of events, Harborne Golf club has been closed today and has been stripped of it's licence to be a golfing playground due to having larger than regulation size holes. It appears that there was a deal on in B&Q last weekend and the club thought it would save themselves some money by buying 18 buckets.

Second City? I don't think so.

Pete (legend) Bramwell

Drastic Measures

In an attempt to remedy a slight issue with his putting, Nick Brooker, 26 from Bearwood, has decided to totally remove it from the game. The plan was first brought into action on Sunday the 26th October at the 14th Hole of Harborne Golf Club. Stood on the tee, 167 yards away from the pin with a slight tail wind from right to left an 8 iron was selected and dispatched right at the target. Furthermore it was decided that no green can be accurately read from over 160 yards away so the only course of action to remove the unpredictable slopes on the mantle of the earth from the equation and fly the ball directly into the cup! The cup, half full of the previous nights rainfall exploded on impact the 4 ball erupted.

This shot capped a very successful weekend for one half of the most electrifying team in SCC history as the Saturday saw him crowned Harborne Golf Club Scratch Matchplay Champion with a resounding 7&6 victory over a +1 handicapper, netting 4 birdies and an eagle in the 12 holes played.

In other news, Team Nottingham front man Dominic Williams took a right spanking at the hands of the Team Birmingham (half) marathon man, Ben 'my nose cuts through the wind and allows me to run for longer than you' Williams. Rumour has it that Ben was also victorious in their golf match.

The weekends events will surely strike fear into the hearts of the rest of the SCC competitors with Team Manchester already making room for the Wooden Spoon Trophy in the 2009 edition at Pennard Golf Club.

Fisher Putters enter administration!

On the news that renowned s*** putter and all round bottle job Peter Bramwell has turned to Fisher putters after he was unceremoniously dumped by Odyssey have caused the company untold harm. The fledgling company had seen sales rise steadily over the last 12 months but recent news has caused sales to virtually stop and 103% of previously purchased Fisher putters are now on Ebay.

Fisher president (pictured) said "I'm devastated but it's our own fault. We should have followed lead of Scotty Cameron, Ping, Taylormade and recently Odyssey of banning Bramwell from being seen using our products. I can only apologise to the shareholders"

Sponsors Outraged....

It appears that Team Manchester's leading player, Peter "Legend" Bramwell, has embroiled himself in controversy this week. A spokesman from 'Odyessy' has been quoted as saying,"It is with great sadness that Peter has decided to change his putter for SCC '09. We had almost perfected this years "Two Foot" model for Peter to use, we are deeply disappointed that he has now chosen another brand."

The brand in question, Fisher, have released there new range of putters at just the right time. Peter is believed to have liked the patented "Built in anti-bottling technology" and with the added bonus of his new "Excuses" catalogue he seems to have made the right choice. Watching him practice with his new putter we managed to see a sneak preview of his excuses for 2009. The first was the obvious," I'm still not used to the speed off the face," followed swiftly by,"This new grip really will take some getting used to."

The choices of colours for the face insert threw a lot of options open for him which he talked through with us earlier, "I had the 'firm' option of "Gay Green", the 'really soft' option of "Ugly Scummy Baby Blue" or the one which I chose "We Have Won The SCC Twice And Team Birmingham Have Never Beaten Us - Red", it seems like he made the correct choice.

Only time will tell if his new purchase will improve his golf, but Peter doesn't seem to be too bothered as he said, "It looks good when i hold it and the head-cover is very pretty."

Player Accommodation Confirmed

Confirmation earlier this month of the player accommodation for SCC2009 has sparked a frenzy in the sleepy village of Mumbles, near Swansea. B&B's within a 50 mile radius are now fully booked and the popularity of the competition is such that local estate agents have reported a 5000% rise in local property prices.

No 74 Woodville Road, a generously proportioned three storey family house located within easy walking distance of the beaches of Langland and Rotherslade is now guaranteed a place in golfing history. The 5 bedroomed property benefits from off street parking for several cars and views over Swansea Bay from the first and second floor.

For the first time in SCC history, it will be only through personal preference that any one team shares a bed, as No 74 confortably sleeps 9 people. Further details of the property are available via the "Accommodation" link on the SCC official web-site, or by following the link below; http://www.homefromhome.com/property.aspx?propref=78

Team Nottingham - Perennial under-achievers or just nice guys?

Team Nottingham stalwart and page 5 fella, Dom Williams has disclosed a press release on his personal website www.iwillcrapinpetesjeansthenexttimeihavetheminmysights.com suggesting tongue in cheek that Team Nottingham decided in 2007 that they would give the other teams a chance to get their names on the winners trophy before they take them all to the cleaners.

Williams was asked whether it was a coincidence that in the last two years that Team Nottingham have had a chance to win the tournament on the 54th hole but then bottled it. He scoffed "we had it in our minds to put up a challenge but wanted to massage Team Manchester and more recently Team Birmingham's ego's as neither of the two teams have much going for them. We care too much about our friends to let a little competition getting in the way - we are not bottlers, we really are just very nice people."

Team Nottingham tend to dampen down their chances of winning before the start of every SCC, however the other competitors are all fully aware of the dangers that they pose - the over-exaggerated slice, the follow through smash of the driver on the tee before the swing has even finished and the shouting of "Simon... every time!"

Williams Junior was delighted to hear of Bumwell's recent handicap declaration and was quoted saying "Pete has his off days just like the best of us, but did he really think he would get away with cheating for the 4th year on the trot? I counted every one of his 114 shots at Aberdovey and in truth would have been happy to give him the full handicap entitlement, however the dirty fake Mancunian has clearly put some practice in over the past few months which is great news as I was embarrassed for him last year."

Simon Porter also of Team Nottingham has also chipped into the handicap debate suggesting that it is directly related to the amount of sex that each individual is receiving, the lower the handicap, the less likely you are to cop off. Porter's theory is supported by Bumwell's recent Marriage and subsequent reduction in handicap - no need to mention that Nick plays of 0.9! Simon commented that he is currently playing off 28 and swinging the club as well as ever, he also stated that he is very happy with the arrival of his young filipino house boy, whom he has been spending a lot of time with recently!

Unlucky For Some...

13 (thirteen) is the natural number after 12 and before 14.

It is the smallest integer with eight letters in its spelled out name in English.

It is the age at which children become teenagers.

It is the sixth prime number; the next is seventeen.

13 is the second Wilson prime.

13 is the fifth Mersenne prime exponent, yielding 8191.

13 is the second star number and the seventh Fibonacci number. As it is an odd-indexed Fibonacci number, it is a Markov number, appearing in solutions to the "Markov Diophantine equation": (1, 5, 13), (1, 13, 34), (5, 13, 194), ...

13 is also the second happy prime, following 7, and the rethorical 1.

Thirteen is the first prime number to be the aliquot sum of two numbers; the cube 27, and the discrete biprime 35 and it is the base of the 13-aliquot tree.

There are 13 Archimedean solids.

13 goes into 999,999 exactly 76,923 times, so vulgar fractions with 13 in the denominator have six digit repeating sequences in their decimal expansions. It is thus the smallest half period prime.

If you take the digits as single figures and apply them to each member of Team Birmingham, you quite remarkably get their individual I.Q. figures.

Now this fascinating number has one more proud fact to add to it's name. Peter Bramwell, Team Manchester's Leading Blog Supporter, is now a handicap holder of the afforementioned value. Whilst this has come as quite a shock to the SCC community, it has only lengthed Team Manchesters preverbial penis when it comes to their bragging rights.

A quote from Peter earlier on today was what can only be described as a long rasberry noise follwed swiftly by raising two fingers to the rest of the SCC teams. Neil, Peters long suffering partner, describe the actions as, "foolish, childish behaviour for such a sporting legend. Peter doesn't quite understand that his new handicap is actually more damaging to his chances then an actual physical handicap would be."

Team Manchester hopes hang in the balance

The hopes (and expectations) of all Team Manchester supporters of their favourites regaining the coveted Second City Challenge trophy appear to be hanging in the balance. This follows the scandalous decision by Hale Golf Club to slash form player, Peter Bramwell's handicap to 13 - this only however appears unlucky for the team in red.

A Hale GC representative spoke of the revision with the following. "Following Mr Bramwell's success in our individual knock-out, we felt it our duty to cut his handicap. We would not like to see another SCC tournamant blighted through inflated handicaps as displayed in 2008 at Aberdovey by the Williams brothers".

Peter Bramwell's Team Manchester team-mate, Neil Guyton, responded to this drastic move by indicating the rarity of Peter's success and pointed towards the now infamous round at Aberdovey which cost 12 balls, 114 shots and his dignity, and the fact that when faced with a 2 hole lead with 3 to play in the final of the singles knock out, the quality of ball striking disintegrated to a quality not seen since Jean van de Velde at Carnoustie over a decade ago (including a comical effort to lag a 24 inch putt to a mere 22 inches past the hole).

Team Manchester's opponents have reacted with delight to the news, with Team Birmingham stalwart Ben Williams saying. "The cutting of Bumwell's handicap to 13 is way overdue as Team Manchester have put us to the sword every year so far, and to be honest we have been lucky to escape with 2 half points out of the 5 games to date - Team Manchester winning at Pennard in 2009 must be as unlikely as Hull winning at the Emirates.................ahh sh*t"

An Apology...

Dear Reader, I would like to apoligise for the image which i displayed yesterday. I feel ashamed and disgraced to say that the photo had been altered from it's original content. I feel that i must offer my sincerest apology to Nick Brooker and would like to show everyone the true photo and hope that no further mishaps occur again.

It is clear in the actual image that Nick wasn't in a playground scaring young children. In fact he was in a "man's man" bar enjoying a socially responsible drink with his close "companions". This clearly exonorates him as a man hanging around schools and in fact puts him in an appropriate, and legal, "bum sex" environment.

I hope this clears up any misunderstanding.

Mr President