The excitement builds...

As the main event draws near the SCC boys have been busy congregating in packs to hone their skills:

Seddon/Gayton - Bolton Old Links- Friday 12th April 
Inside reports suggest that although Gayton started well, carding an impressive level after 11 holes, his high fade seemed again to be his weakness and left him with a miserable finish. Seddon on the other hand just couldn't get the round going, finishing last behind a group of 18 - 36 handicappers.
Mr Seddon Senior had this to say to the waiting reporters, "I can't say im surprise, he talks a big game and he has plenty of time to practise, if he could just concentrate and stop fucking off to various countries to 'work' then i feel he is in with a shout of another first place finish this year."

Bumwell / Brooker / Willams.B (and Matkinson) - Brum - Saturday 13th April
Although no golf was played, serious discussion were held on this years strategy to prevent Bumwell from securing a 7th win.  The highly acclaimed player didnt have much to say on the issue as he was too busy signing autographs, seen by his absence below.

No-one knows what the two golfers and Matkison were discussing in this leaked photo, but undercover reporters suggest that Matkison was spouting a convincing lie that he beat someone in a knockout match earlier in the day.

Williams.D - Vegas - Sunday 14th April
Trying to drum up support from the American contingent, the door-to-door Wispa salesman is visiting city of sin to get some well needed sleep from his at home commitments. Only time will tell if this huge break in his pre-SCC practise will be devastating on the final day.

Miller/Porter - Travelodge - Monday 15th April
Not to be left out the two workhorses of the SCC have had their own special meeting this morning at a hotel just outside Brighton. Ever the shroud businesman Porter only paid for the room for an hour, this was obivously enough time for the two to frantically practise their putting skills coming from the shouts of 'In the Hole'. Miller, clearly drained from the intense session, only managed to give a quick wave to his fans as he limped to his waiting car.

William Hill Confirm Captains Predictions

This was a live screen shot taken from the William Hill website at 9.39am on Tuesday 26th March.....

New Love Sparks SCC 8

With time ticking away on the Opening Ceremony of SCC, it seems romance is in the air and having a remarkable effect on the golfers results. Odds on Tiger (porter) Woods to be named No 1 Golfer at this years event have been slashed. Woods has been on an impressive streak in form after recently announcing his steamy relationship with Lyndsey Vonn, US World cup & Olympic Downhill ski champion (pictured together below). After moving into pot 2 at last years event, 'Si'ger has his eyes firmly on joining the big boys in the top pot. Woods commented "there's no way that 'hit it and hope' Captain C Seddon can remain up in pot 1. He got away with it big time last year and I firmly believe he'll be contributing heavily to the blobometer at SCC 8." Betting odds confirm these suspicions as Mr Captain has managed just 2 rounds of golf this year due to the new love interest in his life combined with the recent artic conditions. Seddon confirmed his new regime of early mornings and picking up shit is having a real knock-on effect on his preparations and he can't get enough of it..... On other news, the SCC Commitee can confirm a new award for this years event. With the insertion of the 'Blobometer', it has been decided the blobiest member of the group with be presented with an intellectual goblet to be paraded at the 'SCC Bad Shirt after party' and will be the winners for the following 12 months. We believe everyone will agree that no player will want to be the holder of such a title but the award will be presented to Benjamin Williams at this years opening ceremony based on last years results. Players.....get.....practising!

Wales troubled by lack of sheep for opening ceremony

Another year passes, time for practising slowly slips away and as Si 'the ghost' Porter dusts off his dunlop persimmons the great SCC opening ceremony draws near, but this year the revellers are in for (more) disappointment. 

As is usual with the SCC opening ceremony, each full paying entrant gets, "Full access to a whole, live and untainted sheep", but this year looks like it may have to break from that tradition.

Farmer Gryffyd Schllymmnd, the SCC's trusted sheep breeder had this to say, "Well, I don’t know what to say."

Thought provoking as Mr Schllymmnd's comments were, SCC blog decided to look deeper into a trend which has been happening all across the country over the past 24 months.  Farms from as far south as Cardiff up to the northerly spots such as Lllandudno have seen a dramatic drop in numbers of the sexy woolly beasts and people are starting to get worried.  Suggestions have been that they have turn into daffodils during the spring, they have taken to swimming or are hiding behind cows, all preposterous and quite frankly ridiculous, but one theme does seem to carry weight – the travelling salesman.

24 months ago Nick 'Faldo' Brooker started selling for a small time golf trolley manufacturer and sheep levels were at an all time high, but in direct correlation with the 'businessman's' visits and travel habits have we seen these numbers fall, and seen an increase in numbers of 'used' sheep.

When questioned on the subject Nick at first refused to comment, but after prising a rather startled looking ewe out of his grasp he finally decided to 'fess-up'.

"Yes, I might have had something to do with it, but it can't all be my fault.  It started small, I was only going for the pretty ones, you know.  Once a week, maybe twice.  But then it gets you. You think, maybe I can go for a week without it, but then I pass a field full of them and I just couldn't help myself.  Soon I was up to twenty maybe thirty over the week and it was just a downward spiral from there.  I've tried moving on, I really have, but it's just so hard.  I will tell you this though, I have cut down to only 5 a week now, and I am wearing woolly jumpers to keep the cravings down.  I feel that I must also apologise to the fans who will be attending the opening ceremony, it looks like there might only be enough left for one-between-two."

On hearing the news local SCC fan  Dffyll Pgstrw said this, "I don’t care what happens, im not going two's up on no sheep, not now, not ever that’s just disgusting and immoral, I want me own one to bugger thank you very much."

What will happen, who knows? We will just have to wait to find out

Pete 'The Length' Bramwell

Rasmus II 'finds higgs-boson particle'

Worlds greatest scientists 'in state of shock and awe'

Startling news from our science correspondent that, such is the complexity of the latest version of Rasmus II it is alleged to have beaten CERN's Hadron Collider in identifying the 'Higgs-Boson' particle. Scientists are also investigating claims from it's inventor, B. Williams esq. that it can be used to travel back in time as well as, perhaps most shockingly, allow the user to manipulate it in such a manner as to make it's creator's score card 'look acceptable'.

Asked to comment on this startling revelation, Prof. Stephen J Hawking had this to say:
"Balls. Beaten to the punch by some bum bandit. Still at least i can wang a 3 Iron further than half the SCC'ers"

It's here!

Llandudno get ready as SCC 2013 hits your door. Expect to experience all those moments you've heard so much about: - 

Grown men making copious 'arse-play' jokes:

Excitement amongst the gallery reaches a fever pitch

at the thought of the thousands of yards spent walking looking for either of the Matthew's lost golf balls

the medicinal post round 'energy drinks'

and, of course, 'Getting Blobby!'

 

or

Bring it on North Wales Golf Course!

Weather watch for the SCC 2012

If anything, a little too hot by Sunday...

Ben, remember your "Factor 30".

Further input from R&A....

 Roger and Alan have been at it again just before the start of SCC 2012 'Shorter, Slower, Weaker, Worse' this coming Friday 15th June.  

R&A, Rules and Amateur Status – Governing and Educating Principal Changes 

Introduced into the 2012 Code Rules of Golf 

Definitions

 'Camels (camel, uurrrgghhhhh, or any variation thereof)'
  Camels are whereby a group of two of more golfers try to complete a round of golf by going in as many bunkers as possible then hoping that they wont be the last person to enter a bunker during the round. The fine for any entry into a bunker is 20p, steadily increasing in this multiple as the fellow golfers enter bunkers during their round of shoddy tee shots/chips/knobs of the fairway. If the player is scabby enough to get up and down from the bunker they entered then the running total is passed back to the last person to enter a bunker. To clarify that if only one golfer is hilariously enough the only person to enter a bunkers during the whole round then the fine sticks with that player. It is encouraged for all golfers to aim for bunkers on the 18th hole and not to 'girl-out' by aiming straight for the green, but this is up to the individual female in question (Nick).

 Rules 

 Rule 18-2b. 
Ball Moving After Address 
 A new Exception is added that exonerates the player from penalty if his ball moves after it has been addressed when it is known or virtually certain that he did not cause the ball to move. For example, if it a player has the nose capacity to inflict solid objects to bend during or after a sneeze, if it is this bogey infested gust of wind that moves the ball after it has been addressed, there is no penalty and the ball is played from its new position. Trousers, shirts or shorts of the others player may be changed without penalty due to excess nose gold being deposited on their various parts.

 Rule 27-Massive C. 
Water Proofs, Hand Warmers, Wet Suits.
No player may now wear or use any device designed to prevent the absorption of rain or any other precipitation due the fact that we are not 'little girls' who cry at the first sight of rain. Hail is to be embraced, snow is to be shunned at and wind is to be pissed into in a high arc.'

THE SCC RULES

I am pleased to be able to provide a revised set of SCC rules. Without wishing to place greater importance one clause over any another, I would like to draw competitors attention to clause 12 as it is an etirely new addition.

1. No practice rounds are permitted at the host club within 2 months of the tournament.
2. The format is that of a three team stableford competition.
3. The handicap limit is 28.
4. Teams are to be drawn during the draw on the evening before the competition begins.
5. The 3-ball playing groups will be confirmed during the draw on the evening before the competition begins. Groups are organised such that everyone plays with everyone else, except for their team members.
6. Teams will be drawn from 3 pots, with one player from each pot in each team. In the first year, the ‘rankings’ will be determined by handicap, with the lowest 3 handicappers in pot A (therefore not in the same team), the next 3 handicappers in pot B and so on. The pots in the following years will be determined by total points scored over the 3 rounds of the previous years event, with the highest 3 point scorers in pot A, the next highest 3 in pot B and so on…
a) in the event that player totals are tied, for the purposes of deciding who enters which pot, players will be seperated by count-back of scores over rounds, starting wilth round 3, then round 2 and finally round 1. If scores are still drawn, the player with the larger nose shall be entered into the higher pot.
7. Each player is required to mark the card of one of their playing partners (and their own score). The SCC Scorer spreadsheet requires gross scores only. Full handicap stableford scoring will be calculated when scores are added to the spreadsheet after each round.
8. In rounds 1 & 2, the best 2 stableford scores on each hole from your team will be counted. In the final round all 3 scores on each hole will be counted. This is accounted for in the SCC Scorer spreadsheet.
9. When two rounds are played in one day, a lunch time drink of 2 pints should be taken by all players (this can be altered at the opening ceremony each year on agreement of at least 5 of the 9 competitors).
10. Failure to clear the ladies tee on any competitive round during the SCC is punishable by having to play the resulting second shot with trousers (or shorts) around the ankles.
a. As in most instances, Nick will have “pulled in a favour” to get us on the course, should this occur on a tee in clear view of the clubhouse, the player should play the second shot of the next hole with trousers (or shorts) around the ankles.
b. Should the offending player be “going commando”, the punishment should be stored up for the bar when the player will have had the opportunity to find some underwear. Trousers (or shorts) must then be worn around the ankles whilst the first pint is drunk.
11. At the request of the golf club (and given that they have allowed us a 50% discount) we are requested to ensure that we keep up with speed of play (we will be amongst a club competition on the Saturday).  This requires that players unable to score points on a given hole either ‘pick up’ or play quickly and move on to the next hole.  In 3 balls we should be taking no longer than 3 ½ hours per round.
12. In the event that a participant is unable to sport a suitably bad shirt on Saturday night, they will be required to order a very gay drink. Said drink must then be necked at the bar, with pinky well and truly out.
For the avoidance of any doubt, a shirt must be considered to be bad by a majority of the group. Also, as an example a Malibu and Coke is a very gay drink.

I'm sure that having read the rules, you will be excited at the mention of the SCC Scorer Spreadsheet. Be assured that this is as cool as you anticipate!

Look - a - Likes Unveiled ....

It is with great pleasure that the SCC Press Team can finally release this years offical SCC 2012 poster. They have gone to great lengths and performed many reach arounds to assemble this year ensemble. Unfortuantely due to Engelbert Humperdinck (Matt 'The Length' Miller) Eurovision schedule (and fucking rediculous name) they have had to photoshop how he might have looked using previously posted blog photos. The poster is available in various sizes at increasing costs, and due to huge demand from 2011 this year we are offering a wank resistant coating for a nominal fee of £1.50, with this you will also recieve a free talking audio book of Nick 'Just Call Me Serge' Brooker taking you through his past five years rounds shot by shot. Enjoy

Images of Si Porter at previous SCC events

At Aberdovey

At Royal St. Davids

At Pennard

At Nefyn

and finally..........EVERY TIME SIMON!!!

SCC 2012 lookylikey's

As part of the build up to SCC 2012, blogspot has decided to run an open competition for all SCC followers / groupies to post blogs as to who their favourite SCC players remind them off from the world of other celebrities.

The first set comes from Mrs E Williams who has decided on a sporting theme and has therefore compared all 9 SCC contenders to sporting heroes as follows:

Ben Williams - easiest and best lookylikey of them all, obviously Bastian Schwiensteiger.

Mattkinson - Two different options, ex England Manager Fabio Capello, or arguably a more accurate comparison, Xabi Alonso

Nick Brooker - based on ball striking it would have to Nick Faldo, although from a looks perspective a taller bigger boned (!) version of Sergio Garcia

Neil Gayton - As a result of a very similar golf swing... Jim Furyk!

Chris Seddon - the link here is huge length (on the golf course, before any rumours start) and weird back leg during his swing... Bubba Watson.  Although Jay from the Inbetweeners is still a cracking lookalike!

Simon Porter - Elle genuinely says that she thinks Si Porter is a white version of Tiger Woods purely based on looks, although I do see some similarities between the two on the golf course!

Matt Miller - Struggling for a sporting lookalike of Matt Miller, neither of us know many 50 / 60 years olds so we have less knowledge of sportmen from Matt's era. Irrespective of who Matt looks like, I have discovered that he also participates in another golf society and has been trying to enlist Ben Williams into this other society - Matt, the SCC committee need to question you about the following website - www.bngs.org.uk/golf_web/index.html

Dom Williams - Elle's view is that there is only one Dom Williams, apparently no-one else even gets close to his boyish good looks, natural charm and general all-round good blokeishness (!)

Pet Bumwell - Harry Potter playing quiditch or if that isn't allowed as a result of a tenuous link to sport how about a slightly heavier version of G-Mac?

Now then fellas, lets have a few more views on potential lookylikeys!

Laters

'The Road Hole'

So you want to hear about the 17th at "The Home of Golf", well sit back and prepare yourself because this is going to take a while.

"As you walk off the 16th green at St Andrews, you can see the daunting task ahead. A blind tee shot played well over the 'Lion' on the side of the hotel would leave a nice 160 yard shot to the narrow green, avoiding the inviting bunker to the front left of the green. Behind there is no relief from the tarmac road or gravel path, so best to to play short.

I was playing a blinding round of 18 over at this point, and could feel the winds shifting. This was it, this was my moment. Music started to drift in on the scottish breeze, the clouds parted and the sun started to shine. Yes, this was going to be good. 355 yards to go.

I aimed slightly to the right of the 'Lion', took a solid practice swing, addressed the ball and nailed it. Nailed it with a duck hook approximately 60 yards left of where I was aiming. 230 yards to go.

After waiting for people to tee off the 2nd hole, I found my ball slightly tee up on a lovely piece of rough. Knowing that I could lay up in front of the green from here I took a 3 iron. Not a great choice! A slightly uppish downswing placed the ball dead straight, but only 120 yards dead straight. 110 yards to go.

After taking a read from Neil, and given the confident talk of 'You only get to play this shot once', I addressed the ball with a pitching wedge. The scene before me playing over in my mind. 110 yards into a narrow green, flag placed directly behind the bunker. A solid PW would leave a tap in for my par. I can feel the club move backwards, pause, then down. Clean strike, I look up to catch the balls flight. But wait, it's not there. I look down at my feet to what can only be a golfers worst nightmare. The ball was still where it had lay previously. I had taken an air-shot. An air-shot on the most famous hole in golf. 110 yards to go.

After crying inside, I re-composed myself and managed to get a good clean strike on the ball (fat) and landed promptly in the middle of the bunker, where is was immediately joined by Neil, Nick and Matkinson. 10 yards to go.

The ball was lying fairly neatly, but the lip of bunker was telling me different stories, I opened up my 54 degree and majestically lifted the little blighter out. Yes maybe a bit big but I had got it out. 15 yards to go.

Now, I have never played off tarmac before so this was a new one for me. 7 iron I thought. 7 iron was wrong. I hit the steep roughy bank and came back down the incline. 10 yards to go

Much as I have never played of tarmac, I don’t often play off gravel either. 7 iron again I thought. Oh no, no, no. 7 iron was still the wrong club. Same result as last time. 10 yards to go.

Maybe it was just a back connection, 7 iron stays out of the bag, this time managing to reach the edge of the green, teetering on the precipice, but its there. 8 yards to go.

So I had made the green (fringe), time for a putt. 'Come on Peter, you can still get this putt' the crowd roared. Solid strike, I wasn't going to be short. 6 foot to go.

Neil gives me the putt and a hug.'

So how did I follow this 6 over hole? Yes, with a triple. Kerrching.

Pyle and Kenfig, bring it on!

SCC unveil major new sponsor

...........................BREAKING NEWS...............................

In a brief statement from SCC HQ, it has been confirmed that Nike Golf has clinched the deal to be the kit sponsor for the coming few editions of the SCC.

It appears that while in the past they were keen to endorse the title bids of Birmingham and Nottingham they wanted nothing to do them Manc lot! There stance has since been softened by the re-signing of Windy Miller for this years event and his brown nosing antics are sure to win over the fans and try and get some good Nike press after the shhhhhh (Tiger affair).

More to follow.........(probably not!)

Return to competetive golf "couldn't have gone better" says SCC returnee Miller

Hole in one! The magic words all golfers love to hear. Matthew Miller, 67 this July, celebrates his first ever below: Whilst facing a tough tussle with his wife in the inaugral 'Mead Open Farm Crazy Golf Challenge', Miller showed his warm up regime was starting to pay dividends. Revelling in the extreme pressure from his wife (of whom it has been noted by no lesser an authority than S. Guyton esq that she is "the purest striker of a ball in the Guyton family" ho ho Neil!) , Miller strode purposefully to the 7th tee and stroked his putt unerringly into the hole.

An added bonus for Miller appeared in his discovering his 'ball of choice' for this year's SCC:

Captain Williams is 'Court Out'

Here at Age Concern we take all discrimination seriously. It appears that one of our elder members, 83 year old Matthew Miller of Tring, is considering bringing action against this year's SCC Captain, Dominic Williams for deliberate and blatant 'Age-ism' in 'dropping him like a bad habit' from this years update email. In news sure to send ripples of shock round the SCC world, he has discounted consulting fellow SCC'er Mattkinson for legal advice as he found him "too expensive and doesn't fancy being charged £250 an hour to talk to his secretary". Miller has instead gone with the vastly experienced Doris Spaniels-Ears, pictured here at recent celebrations for her 100th consecutive case win (i think):

The latest issue of 'Saga' will have a full interview with Mr Miller. In it he recounts his fond memory of the last SCC he attended (winning it) and notes how much he is looking forward to triumphing in this years 'Nose Off' with the 'vaguely' better looking Williams brother.

The best of the SCC 2011

To be read aloud in classic American golf broadcasting voiceover voice:

With the days getting dark and the weather cold, and as the end of 2011 draws nigh, CBS Sports, in association with Nevada Bobs and local sponsors, brings you the very best moments of the SCC 2011…

They came in their thousands.

There were legends to be made.

Heroes. Dreams.

Massive Cs.

The wind whistled across the cliffs of Nefyn.

For some competitors, it was all a bit too much:

So which were the best shots played? The shots we’ll remember forever. The ones to tell the grandchildren about.

The following six have been unscientifically selected by the CBS panel.

6. At number six is Nick Brooker’s three-wood approach vs Liverpool to the par 5 fourth. Nick and Seds had both put their tee shots miles left, safely avoiding the cliffs on the right. Ben and Matt had taken a more aggressive line and were busy hacking their way up the middle/in the sea. Nick then delivered a blistering three-wood approach shot to set up a putt for eagle. Seds also played an excellent approach, again with a three-wood, but we’ll give most credit here to Nick’s superb shot.

5. At number five is Seds’ tee shot vs Nottingham at the 18th. This was hit just to the right of the green, which Seds nearly carried, before smacking into the clubhouse and rebounding towards the first tee. A number of confused members' heads appeared briefly at the window.

4. At number four is Si Porter’s tee shot vs Manchester at the par 3 fourteenth. Si, with two shots on this hole vs Manchester, hit a lovely lofted tee shot to five feet, then, to everyone’s delight, holed the putt.

3. At three is Pete Bramwell’s putt for birdie against Nottingham on the 18th. Pete had set things up nicely with a drive just short of the green. Dom having then failed to concede the short putt, Pete promptly missed it, to the delight of the assembled galleries. Bad luck!

2. At number two (some might say it should be number one) is Neil’s perfect tee shot to the 18th against Nottingham. Neil’s shot was well judged and hit the bank at the front of the green, skipping up and slowing down to arrive five feet from the hole, setting up an easy eagle putt.

1. And at number one is... wait for it...

Seds’ brilliantly judged tee shot on the 13th vs Birmingham.

The Nefyn website reads:

“Spectacular risk and reward par four – the risk, attempting a 200 yard carry over the bay, the reward, a short pitch to a green set between two rocky outcrops. For the faint-hearted, bail out right leaving a medium to long iron second.”

Seds ignored all of that.

His daring style was to use a spot half way down the cliffs to bring his ball back into play:

Amazing! Birmingham were not completely chuffed with this turn of events.
As Matkinson explained to help calm Nick down: “you’ve got to take the rough with the smooth”.

Very, very smooth. Heroes.

[It may be that there are other shots I can’t remember/didn’t see that also deserve mention in the above. Particularly by Ben/Dom?! Feel free to comment!]

Posthumously, humorously, 2011.

It has been nearly a couple of weeks now, and no reports since SCC 2011 was dramatically won again by Team Manchester. It was a fraught weekend where this yeas underdogs, Team Nottingham, managed to fight (amazingly) for the SCC Cup in an incredible battle against Team Manchester. In the end the most attractive team won, but only by a bum hair's whisker on the 17th hole when the heavens opened, and the angels smiled on Team Manchester.

Team Manchester stalwart and 5 time winner had this to say:

"Well what can I say that hasn't been said already. It was a tough final round and it's a shame that the trophy couldn't be shared between teams. But as it goes, im glad that the prettier team won. Yes, Dom has the balls and the looks, Si has the smile and the swing, but unfortunately in golf sometimes it just comes down to golfing ability which i was pleased to showcase on the 18th green!"

We are waiting to hear from this years wooden spoon winners and from the new incoming member (and previous SCC winner) Matt "Who's your Grandaddy" Miller on next years events, but as is with the SCC blog, we probably wont be hearing much for at least the next 10 months.

So until April 2012, adieu x

Croeso at Porthmadog, Tim Anian

Speculation mounted tonight that Team Liverpool are attempting to engratiate themselves yet further with North Walers by staging one of their famous warm up rounds tomorrow (Thursday).

The above banner, "Welcome to Porthmadog, Team Genius" was spotted at yesterday's SCC Opening Ceremony (see story below).

If true, Porthmadog would join such prestigious courses as Machynys Peninsula GC, which last year reported a surge in bookings after Matkinson played his best golf of the weekend, hammering his teammate over 18 immediately prior to last year's SCC.


In other news, Matkinson remains tight-lipped as to his ball sponsorship deal for this year's event.

He would say as follows, however: "It's all about finding a ball which the others won't laugh at too much, but at the same time not spending too much money because, let's face it, Nefyn is quite close to the sea."

"In short, it's all about...professional distance."

Expectation rises as crowds gather.

With only one more sleep before the teams meet in the coastal town of Abersoch, local residents last night celebrated with the annual SCC opening ceremony.

Covered by the SCC's official sponser, Today's Golfer, we can clearly see the excitement of those who attended. Although it was only a relatively small affair due to the current economic climate and also due to the key missing element of Team Manchester, Matt 'I'll be back' Miller, the 400,000 strong crowd managed to party the night away.

Local ruffian and leek lover, Glynn Gfflyyywwnt said, "I can't believe that we are only one night away from the arrival of the SCC lads. I have been tugging myself around the house with excitement for more that a week now, i can't belive that the day is nearly here."

With the local bars now cleared out of all booze from last nights little shin-dig, it will certainly have to be a quick replenishment operation before the offical draw for tee times on Thursday night. The quick thinking captain for SCC 2011, Nick 'Homo' Brooker has been praised for his quick thinking in ordering in plenty of booze to keep the competitors well watered during Thursday evening.

In other news, Seddon, your a 'C'.

Until tomorrow, i wish you all well and a safe journey. ARAF!