Rush on for "Blue" Gold

Team Birmingham replica shirts have been in high demand since Ben and Nick launched their official merchandising range shortly before SCC2008. However, in the lead up to Christmas, demand is fast outstripping supply and shop shelves are being cleared within minutes of a new shipment arriving.

Usually retailing at £68.68, a price that coincidentally reflects the pairings anticipated first day scores at SCC2010, the shirts are increasingly being sold illegally. It is understood that black market prices have already broken the £200 mark and with Christmas just around the corner, last years most popular present is expected to sell for much more yet.

There was concern that shirt sales may be impacted upon by the recent revelation that Nick is now in a relationship - with a girl. His gay/not gay reputation had made the Brummie twosome a firm favourite with the woofters. However, these fears seem to have been unfounded and shirt sales continue to out perform any other sporting merchandise currently on the market.

Such is the popularity of the Boys in Blue that Global Wines in Smethwick was recently forced to close when a Birmingham based fan falsely reported on the internet that Ben and Nick were due to be holding an impromptu shirt signing session there. It is believed that the pair are actually planning to appear in Nelams Kebab and Pizza shop at some point over the festive period.

Incoming captain called into question, says Daily Telegraph…

The following transcript has been obtained of a press conference given by the incoming SCC Captain on Sunday morning, 28 June 2009, at the clubhouse, Pennard GC.

It is reproduced here verbatim, without permission, and in association with Golf on Gower FM:

SCC Press Officer, Ms. E. Macpherson: Thanks for coming gentlemen, now if you’ll just be seated...

Mat Kinson (cuts across her): Which one of you is Derek Lawrenson?

Lawrenson (Golf correspondent, Daily Mail): Me...

Mat Kinson: You're a massive C.

Lawrenson: Thanks very much.

Mat Kinson: Which one of you is from the Telegraph?

Mark Reason: Me.

Mat Kinson: You're out of order, you are. F**king out of order. You don't know what you're doing. What's this about Chris Seddon carrying Team Liverpool through 36 holes of golf on Friday? (Slams copy of the Telegraph on the table.)

Reason: Well, free comment...

Mat Kinson: It's bang out of order. I had very bad hay-fever. I'll not have you near this tournament next year, you hear that? And you, from the Mail. I did not “jam my way into contention again, only to choke on the final nine”. You got that?

Lawrenson: We're just reporting on the weekend Mat Kinson, the popular demand for coverage of this event is sky high. We double our circulation at the Mail every time the SCC comes around.

Mat Kinson: Who are you calling Mat Kinson?

SCC Press Officer Macpherson: The incoming captain would like to be referred to as "Mr Captain".

Lawrenson: Mr Captain.

Mr Captain: Quite right.

John Hopkins: Er…John Hopkins here, Golf correspondent, The Times. Mr. Captain, how do you think you played out there today?

Mr Captain: That's a golf question. I'm not here to answer golf questions.

Hopkins: Right, no, of course not. Well, what are your plans for next year?

Mr Captain: I want to win.

Hopkins: Yes, thanks. But I was thinking more on the lines of what do you plan for the event, the venue, we heard St Andrews was in the running to host the SCC 2010?

Mr Captain to Macpherson: What’s he talking about? And why is he snivelling?

Hopkins: I have hay-fever.

Mr Captain: Pathetic.

SCC Press Officer Macpherson: He’d like to know whether you plan to host the event somewhere special for the 5th Anniversary SCC.

Mr Captain: These things sort themselves out in my experience. Next question.

Lawrenson: Did you congratulate Pete Bramwell on his tournament winning 17th hole yesterday?

Mr Captain: That’s another golf question. Next.

Reason: Do you have a word for the fans who turned up today? They’ll be interested to see if you develop a rapport as your predecessor did. Ben also, might I add, always had a word for the press.

Mr Captain: You dicks were watching the Lions, weren’t you? There were a couple of female fans on the 18th, but they seemed to be looking out for Nick Brooker. Next.

Hopkins: Are you in a bad mood because you only finished third this year?

Mr Captain: Were you watching the Lions?

Hopkins: Well…most of us were, yes.

Mr Captain: Timewasters, the lot of you. First and fourth – that’s all that matters, ok? The middle placings are a lottery.

(At this stage a member of the public, sporting a Team Nottingham polo shirt and looking much like Team Nottingham member Dom Williams, was escorted from the building, yelling “Massive C you are… Massive C… Fourth is the new first… Fourth is the new first…”)

Lawrenson: Do you have a word or two for the staff of Pennard GC?

Mr Captain: Didn’t like the rough. Next.

Hopkins: In all seriousness though, it’s a beautiful course isn’t it?

Mr Captain: Neil Guyton seemed to like it, yes.

(At this stage the press conference was interrupted by the shattering of a clubhouse window, followed by the slamming of a club, followed by an exasperated “Simon”.)

Hopkins: Mr Captain, one last question. What do you think of the FWAG's decision to set up their own blog?

Mr Captain: Sloshpots, the lot of them... I’ve had enough.

(Storms off in the direction of the driving range for another 25 balls…)

For the inspiration for this blog, see: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2008/oct/03/newcastleunited.premierleague

Bumwell Pays Ultimate Price for Thursday No Show

Pet Bumwell (long term admirer of S Club Juniors) has been sensationally ditched on the eve of SCC 2009. When quizzed by National Press, the SCC commission cited Bumwell's omission from the Thursday festivities at Celtic Manor as the main (but not the only reason) for their non-controversial decision.

In his place, after rigorous interviews, Bumwell's position has been filled by long term SCC wannabe Mike I'm rogueishly good looking' Nowland. It was felt the Nowland would add a certain 'jeu ne se quoi' to the tournament and is vital to the future marketing of the tournament to the Asian Market with his recent topless shoot out in Beijing. Nowland is seen as a vital marketing commodity for the SCC, in hard economic times, it is important that the SCC look to the future of the competition and they felt that Bumwell's participation would be detrimental to future growth.

Nowland (pictured) had this to say:

"I just want to play golf and music, I'll be aiming to play a few tunes out on the course. I would like to thank Pet Bumwell for being a big gay which has given me this opportunity to take part in such an amazing event. I only hope that I can live up to the high standards that have been set over recent years."

When it was pointed out to Nowland that Bumwell is actually only slightly less than average on the course and has a history of losing more balls than Pi Sorter, Nowland quaffed that surely no-one could lower the standard to that level.

Neil Gayton was particularly pleased with this recent revelation, Gayton was heard saying:

"Bumwell has become a liability and really was the only reason that Team Manchester didn't win last year. He has been holding me back for a while now and I am delighted to be teamed with Mike, even though he will no doubt make me look even worse than I normally do I am happy that that useless, drop out let down massive C Bumwell won't be anywhere near me this weekend."

Who Ate All The Pies?

A question normally asked of myself, but it brings me with great please to ask none-other then our very own Mr. Captain.

Where indeed did al those pies go?

I hope you have a lovely round tomorrow.

Pres

Environmentally Friendly President?

Taken earlier today, this photograph confirms that current SCC President, Peter "where's me balls" Bumwell, has actually turned green with envy.

Having been told in no uncertain terms by the new Mrs Bumwell that the joint account can not fund the purchase of enough golf balls to all him to play another round, Peter is having to work whilst the other members tune their games in the stunning surroundings of Celtic Manor.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha etc.

The Roman Road Roams No More

WS .... BREAKING NEWS .... BREAKING NE

[ Here follows an official statement from Celtic Manor Resort & Spa]

"It bring me great sadness to announce that the Celtic Manor Resort & Spa will not be able to host this years SCC '09 warm-up competition. We have been racking our brains o try and find a way to replace the much missed Peter "Extra Length and Accuracy Is My Middle Name" Bumwell, but to no avail. There is no other option but to shut down and dig up the course in his memory. There wouldn't be a proper competition if "he" couldn't make it, and also how would the pro-shop survive? They were banking on at least 2 boxes of balls being bought before the round, then one halfway through.

If only there was another option? But there isn't. I know this will be a great disappointment to those members of the SCC who were going to make a long journey down on Thursday morning, but can I just say to them don't. Don't even think about it, the course isn't here any more, we have removed it, and it will be raining anyway. It wasn't even a good course anyway, so just stay at home.

Yours in Sadness

Johnny "Big" Balls

Director General CMR&S 2009"

WOW .... I'm speechless, but a good move by Celtic Manor nonetheless.

Pres "I Hope It Thunders'N'Lightenings On Thursday Morning You Massive Bunch Of C's" Bumwell

Ryder Cup Venue Wins rights to host SCC Exhibition 2009

Given the increasing profile of the SCC events, the committee have come under increasing pressure to ‘take it to the masses’. There have been calls for the competition to be expanded from 4 to 6 teams, a suggestion that has been shot down in flames. As a compromise the committee have agreed to an exhibition event the day before the 2009 edition kicks off when Team Birmingham begin their defence at 9.30am at Pennard GC.

The exhibition / warm up event is taking place at Celtic Manor, South Wales at 9.40am (for those wishing to view the event tickets can be purchased at http://www.thisgolfisawesomeandineedtowatchit.com/). Celtic Manor are in need of a major golfing event and whilst they recognise they will never be eligible to host the event proper due to not being a links course this is considered a great win by the venue. The upcoming Ryder Cup has failed to excite the golf viewing public due the lack of big names and it is thought that having the Williams sisters (taking a break from Wimbledon), Neil I haven’t got a back (or a partner), Matthew (who are these people that I see once a year, sometimes twice!) will really pull the crowds.

The star studded line up is not complete however, the biggest draw of all Pimon Sorter is yet to confirm his availability. He is in the process of securing 3 year sponsorship deal from IBM for the SCC, which would allow the superstars to take the event global.

Peter Bumwell is the only person confirmed to be gaying out of the event and I’m sure I speak for all the competitors when I say he will be sorely missed!!!!!!! Celtic Manor are said to be delighted though as there were fears that Bumwell's participation would ‘dilute the quality of golf on display’.

The Welsh Get Their Fingers Out

It has been pleasure to see that not only the SCC '09 members are excited about their up coming tournament in 9 days time. It seems that those crazy Welsh folk are also in the SCC spirit!!

Also in other news, Team Manchesters' better looking half has managed to find more length than he thought he had. In a controversial move he has shyed away from the £3 a ball Pro V1's to a more 'economical' Srixon for this years tournament.

In a recent interview he said, "I know that last years ball count was quite extreme. Was it the Pimms? Or was it the extra power that i just couldn't control? I would have to say probably both, but this year i am much happy with my longer balls, and i also now have a harder shaft to control the length."

Coupled with the fact that he is married to his SCC's partners sister, this certainly raised a few eyebrows. But Neil was more than understanding as Peter "Woods" Bumwell explained that he was merely talking about his penis.

9 Days Baby!

Pres "Get Down On Your Knees And Beg" Bumwell

Hot-hot!

Team Birmingham have selected curry as the theme for this years evening meal of champions. "Chutneys” of Mumbles will be hosting the event which, unlike a similar event at the US Masters, will most definately not be paid for by the champions.

The players are expected at 9pm on Friday 26th for customary popadoms and dips, followed by a selection of the regions finest curries and vast quantities of Tiger beer.

Following this announcement, precautions have already been discussed at Woodville Road where the players will be staying for the duration of the tournament. Bog rolls will be kept in the freezer and there will be a wipe-clean floor surface installed in the hall and corridors to prevent a reoccurrence of the outrange that occurred in Newcastle.

http://www.mumbles.co.uk/Restaurants/showRestaurant.php?rID=3000019

Team Liverpool's 'Special' player!

For the past year, the SCC committe have denied all reports linking Team Liverpool's music man Chris 'Im playing off 5 at Pennard' Seddon with mental health difficulties, rubbishing the rumours as paparazzi propaganda, however recent pictures of the Bolton Trumpeter have made the SCC committee come out and comfirm that Chris Seddon does suffer from mentalism (I think that is the most PC phrase these days.) The disease apparently affects a person's accent making them sound northern along with increasing the tendency to talk complete garbage (see comment on report below about the request to play of 7 - what a joke!) Seddon is forced to take a series of medication to help him fight mentalism, full details of the drugs will no doubt be of serious scrutiny by the SCC committee.

Seddon has spoken out in a recent press conference, here is what he had to say:

"durrhhhhhhhh, I be special and wishing i am hitting that there ball of golf as well as that really good looking bloke from Nottinghamshiretownville, you know the younger yellow haired tanned one. Where my pills, where my pills burgghhhhhhhh."

This was followed with him talking gibberish about Bolton being a strong Premiership team,at this point it was clear he was completely barking mad and the local psychologist ordered for Seddon to be sedated with Ketamine (which coindently was found in Nick Brookers failed druf test after his disqualification from SCC 08 along with various other substances.)

It remains to be seen as to whether Seddon will be ok to play at Pennard, however the SCC committee appear keen for his inclusion as it helps to demonstrate their stance on the competition being non discriminatory - in the past they have used Ben 'simple' Williams for their quota of minority backgrounds, however it now appears that they have a more genuine case in Seddon.

As preparation for SCC 09 heats up and with reports of Team Nottingham's extremely experienced (polite term for old) member Pimon Sorter loosing a riduclous amount of golf balls when playing only 11 holes at the very hard track at Royal Rushcliffe, it has been revealed that he has been going to see a mystery friend / therapist who has a track record of loosing hundreds of balls in the past. Pimon Sorter told blogspot.com that his therapist has really helped him, when quizzed about who this person was, Sorter remained philosophical and would not give a name, however he said that his therapist was a fine upstanding posh Northerner who once lost 14 balls in one round - say no more! Sorter has also been for a couple of lessons which has helped instil new confidence in his swing and it is pleasing to hear that the Donnay Slammer has been finally ditched!

Team Nottingham may be labelled as rank outsiders for 09 but they are still the olny side who could have won the last two SCC's on the last holes of each which is more than can be said of the blue Brum Scum!!

The atrocity of it all .....

Hello

Good Day

Following a press release from Mr Chris "I Like To Blow On My Own ... (Trumpet)" Seddon, anguish has spread through the SCC '09 team members. It was believed that the SCC committee had been fair in awarding Mr Seddon with a generous 7 shots for this years tournaments, only to see that generosity being jizzed back in their faces.

It is believed that Mr Seddon has being playing (at worst) to 6 shots in recent rounds and that the particularly difficult par 67 Royal St Whore-Itch has been "torn-another-one"!

I know it is not for me to say, but I will, that we should pass a motion for Mr Seddon to be cut by 2 to 5 shots for 'general play'.

Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated, and no Nick he wont do THAT! I mean golf suggestions.

On another note may I congratulate Mrs Nick "No Sex" Brooker on his hole-in-one whilst playing Gramacho. And may I be the first to say to Nick, "Any Hole's A Goal!" so congratulations. Do this mean that you have had sex, in some absurd golf/fettish/ism?

Until 13 days time (and Sed's - Saturday, Mr Captain - Next week) see you all soon!

Happy Whacking

Mr Peter "Length Is My Middle Name" Bumwell (President '09)

Seddon Fires a personal record!

After battling hard with his game it seems the Team Liverpool Dynamo and Musician to the stars has final cracked it! After playing the world renowned 9 hole Royal Horwich Golf Club, Lancashire....(Bolton), Seddon was in high spirits on the 9th/18th hole as he had broken 80 for the first time this season. The born again scouser fired a shattering 76 which was only 9 over par. A fine effort all Sed and done but hopes of him playing to his designated 7 Handicap for this years SCC Pennard adventure are still in the balance.
On other SCC news, the rumour is that Bumwell, of team womanchester has started to get to the 'bottling stage' already whilst his team mate Neil Hunt is changing his swing once again from strict orders from Sue Hunt, an avid Team Liverpool supporter. All looks well at Team Nottingham as Big Nose's Brother and grandad Sorter have managed to hit the ball for the first time this season........Breaking news......Nick Brooker (Team Birmingham) is still struggling to locate his penis. After a "hole in one" whilst on golf camp in the algarve, Brooker managed to thin a rescue club for an eagle and went to locate his little friend to celebrate only to find his penis was in his Wife's room, (Mr M Nowland) begging on advice how to find a fanny!

A short press release will be made in the next few days on this years new competition, The SCC 2009 Poker Tournament. On which evening this will be held is still to be discussed.

Nottingham Odds Lengthen

Well known Second City Challenge FWAG (Fiancés, Wives And Girlfriends) Eleanor Ward has been overheard discussing the preparations of Team Nottingham for SCC2009. Ward, who first became known to fans of the competition following her week-long photo diary for the Daily Star newspaper during the build-up to last years competition, was captured whilst lunching with fellow FWAG Claire Smith in a trendy Nottingham bar.

The main topic of discussion between the infamous pair, who managed to finish four bottles of white wine in their lunch hour, revolved around a recent practice game between the Nottingham pairing. Ward seemed close to tears as she spilled all to her friend Smith. It appears that during the “behind closed doors” match between Dominic Williams and Pimon Sorter, Sorter managed to loose 15 balls in 11 holes. At an average of 1.36 balls per hole, on that form Porter will need 74 balls for the pending SCC2009!

We tried to contact Mr Sorter to confirm this, but he has so far been unavailable for comment. He was captured (below) arriving at Rushcliffe golf course for another round, presumably aiming to make it to the 12th on this occasion!

Benny One-Putt Hails ‘Perfect Win’

Benny ‘one-putt’ Williams has claimed an encouraging victory in the first official SCC2009 warm-up event of the year. The highly respected Stephen George & Partners Crazy Golf Open Championship was hosted by the Star City Adventure Island Mini Golf Course which is towered over by the awe inspiring spaghetti junction, on the outskirts of picturesque Birmingham.

On his was to a score of 44 (+6), Williams carded an impressive hole in one on the revered 9th hole, a dog leg right, then left, then right again which includes several outrageous mounds, some nasty looking boulders and a sneaky drainpipe shortcut.

Upon receiving the trophy in front of a near capacity crowd, Benny had this to say: “Winning this event is a proud moment for me. Stephen George & Partners are a great architects practice whom I know have at least one outstanding urban designer on their books. Their support of the Respect campaign has been outstanding and is a very worthy cause.”

When questioned about his game preparations for the SCC, he told us that “the hours of practice I’ve been spending with my new putter and changes to my stroke have given an immediate return. I’m just so happy!”

Other teams have previously pointed to one-putts game on the greens as Team Birmingham’s major flaw. This win is likely to shoot fear to the heart of the other competitors as the build up to this years event continues.

Liverpool Commitment

At today’s SCC press briefing, Matt Atkinson confirmed Team Liverpool’s intention to continue their participation in the competition for the foreseeable future.
In light of recent rumours regarding the Scouse pairing, Atkinson was keen to stress that neither him nor his partner, Chris Seddon have ever been tempted to join Team Bolton, the renegade team set up by Russian Billionaire Growman Bigcockovich.

Atkinson refused to be drawn on the speculation surrounding himself and Bigcockovich and was visibly annoyed when one reporter repeatedly quizzed him about the photos published in last weekends News of the World.

In an effort to defect attention from the latest sleazy scandal to embroil this years SCC competition, Atkinson announced that Team Liverpool are changing from their orange shirts to white. And whilst the star suggested that this was purely a commercial decision, speculation continues that the move to white shirts is the first toward the transformation into Team Bolton.

South Korea Golf?

As many of you will know by now, the SCC is not just a British phenomenon, it is a global orgy fest, pulling in visitors from far flung countries such as Argentina, India and even Ireland. So my next phase as President is to encourage visitors from SOUTH KOREA to view our blog.

I will be starting a South Korea Golf poll and those of you who are correct in you answer will receive a pint from myself on the SCC weekend, so please post your answers in the blog, otherwise they won't count.

Question: When will a person view the blog from South Korea?

1. 0 - 2 Weeks
2. 2 - 4 Weeks
3. 4 - 6 weeks
4 Not Before the SCC '09 Smackdown


In order to encourage South Korean searches i will now just add random words. South Korea Golf, South Korea, South Korean Golf.South Korea Golf, South Korea, South Korean Golf.South Korea Golf, South Korea, South Korean Golf.South Korea Golf, South Korea, South Korean Golf.South Korea Golf, South Korea, South Korean Golf.

Wonder how long until we are number one hit on Google for South Korea Golf?

Adiue

SCC Caddie Selections

As Mr President for the next three years i have decided to add a "Caddie Selection"
(near the bottom of the blog) gallery to our blog. I hope that this is acceptable to all members and any any comments would be greatly recieved.

Team Manchester - An Apology

*News Feed 12.55pm 20/4/2009*

Interviewer- ".... And we come live now from outside The Bumwell Label Company for Mr President Peter Bumwell's response to Team Nottingham's scandalous reports...."

Peter Bumwell- "Ladies, Gentleman, Nick. I stand here before you today ashamed and disgraced. I have known for a while about the circulation of the damaging photograph and was worried about what rumor would be brought with it.

I can clearly see that Mr D (for D!ck) Williams, has quite blatantly got the wrong end of the stick (so to speak). If you look at the picture a bit closer you will notice that Neil, 34, is actually sitting a foot closer to the camera than myself and the perspective makes it look that he is licking my lucious lips. But this is not the case, the actual story (and this is the reason why I am so ashamed and disgraced) is that this picture clearly shows what I was looking away from, and what Neil was not happy (sticking his tounge out in a childlike manner) about.

As President of the SCC, I would like to confirm the news that Mr D (for D!ick) Williams has no penis.



Many a man thought that he was quite well endowed, and no more so than Team Liverpools local sexual-homo Mr C (Massive C) Seddon and regular sexual-pest Mrs M Nowland.

We can see that upon further inspection it is none other than a pink Tie, and no-one is more disappointed than Mr Seddon.

A statement from the pair is due to be released later on today from their one bed sex-dungeon.

I apologise for the hurt this may cause some people, my only hope is that this matter can be "put to bed"."

Interviewer - ".... Shocking I'm sure you'll agree. Now over to James at Mr N (Gay) Brooker's flouse on day 3,465 of sex watch to see if Nick has lost his redeveloped virginity?"

James- "No"

Interviewer- "Thanks James, back to the studio."

Team Manchester Officially 'Come out'

It will come as no suprise to regular visitors of this extremely popular blogsite that the Team Manchester pairing of Pete Bumwell and Neil Gayton have decided to end speculation about their 'special' relationship by revealing exclusively to blogspot.com that they are involved in a long term serious sexual relationship. It is not known whether or not the pair had planned to come out with this news or whether they were made aware of the attached image of them enjoying a nice quiet meal together at their favourite bistro pub - The Old Cock Inn in Soho which forced their hand. The pair were snapped whilst undertaking what can only be described as a damn good tongueing session, it is thought that this lead to some pretty horrific sex games that would shock the majority of our readers and would drag the repuatation of this highly revered site down to the doldroms.

Bumwell who so graciously allowed other SCC members join him at his 9 hole pitch and putt in Hale had this to say: " I have always kind of known that I like boys, even from a young age I was the first in the showers and the last out. I have been living a lie, my marriage to Neil's sister was a ploy to get close to him, I couldn't control myself, I feel like I have let everyone down by lying over the years." Team Nottingham superstar Simon Porter heard about this comment and said "he (Bumwell) really has let everyone down, I never had this sort of problem when playing with Nick Faldo."

This news will no doubt need to be discussed with the SCC Captain Ben Williams who will need to make the call as to whether the SCC will allow two such outwardly blatant bummers into this years tournament.

Watch this space for news updates which will no doubt be posted imminently.

SCC Superstars Remember The Little People!

Five years ago no one could have ever imagined that the SCC would have turned into the great championship that we see today.  Last years event saw record crowds (3 people looked through the window of clubhouse wondering why we were playing in the pissing rain!) and an unprecedented standard of golf played (Bumwell - 114 shots, 12 balls etc!).

But with the great success has come some bad press.  The untouchable superstars of the SCC such as Peter 'I've run out golf balls' Bumwell and Ben '3 or 4 putt' Williams have been living the high life, reaping the rewards that come with being an Amatuer Champion of InterCity Major Championship Golf and turning their backs on the 9 hole municipals where they learnt their trade with their 'less talented' mates.  Wait a minute, Bumwell still plays at a 9 hole municipal doesn't he?

Anyway, with this in mind some of the biggest names in SCC history have decided to allow a couple of their biggest fans the opportunity to walk the same emerald turf as them this weekend.  Watch 'boom boom' Brooker smash a drive, see 'lets hit a fade' Guyton caress one greenwards, have a chat with 'lets make a funny northern joke' Seddon.  All of these will be happening when some of the stars of the SCC generously donate their time in aid of charity  and the two highest bidders that will be playing some golf with them this Easter are Matt 'I can't remember his surname but he has just bought a house with Emily' Thingey and Martin 'Pete clearly didn't get his golfing talent from me' Bumwell.

The warm up will be played at some northern pitch and putt with the grand finale at Royal Harborne GC. 

Dark Clouds Gather Over Sherwood Forest

The SCC rumour mill has gone into overdrive of late with news that Team Nottingham have once again shown that they are very much Sherriff of Nottingham and not Robin Hood when it comes to fair play…

A source of this reporter understands that Dominic “Tuck” Williams is intent on copying the preparation of Team Birmingham superstar “Long” Ben Williams in the run in to this years competition. Not content with making his hair the same colour as Long Ben, it is rumoured that Tuck has now also been seen playing with the same putter!

Bens recent change to the Odyssey two-ball from the Ping putter which has widely been reported as being possibly the hardest putter to use in the world ever, members of Harborne GC have been treated to some spectacular putting of late.
It is thought that Tuck must have placed spies in the Harborne club who have reported back to him with news of the change which have then lead to this dark move.

These underhand tactics will surely not go unnoticed by the SCC committee and there have been unconfirmed reports that SCC2009 Captain Ben Williams is considering disciplinary action.

Tee Times Confirmed

2009 SCC Captain Mr B Williams can now confirm tee times for this years event. As is customary, the reigning champions will be off first on Friday morning. All matches will be decided in the usual manner - a few scaps of paper pulled out of a pint glass by the hottest looking girl in the pub on Thursday night.

Tee times are confimed as;

Friday 26th June 2009

Morning tees;
9.30am: Team Birmingham v Team ??
9.38am: Team ?? v Team ??

Afiernoon tees;
3.20pm: Team Birmingham v Team ??
3.30pm: Team ?? v Team ??

Saturday 27th June 2009
2.00pm: Team Birmingham v Team ??
2.10pm: Team ?? v Team ??

Bumwell can't hide his delight

Blogspot.com can exclusively reveal that Pete Bumwell has been spotted on camera during a live sex show with what appears to be other members of his new family. This photograph provides clear evidence of Pete enjoying himself a little too much in the presence of his new cousin-in-law with the major surprise being that the cousin-in-law in question is not a Mr N Brooker! This incriminating photograph was taken 35 seconds into the family sex game and Bumwell appears to have already made his contribution - rumours of a biscuit in the middle of the room are as yet unsubstantiated.

Bumwell has a history of 'getting his clubs out too early' and being a little over zealous when 'cleaning his balls' but this story is no doubt going to cause friction with Bumwell's long suffering partner Ms N Guyton. Team Manchester are already rank outsiders for SCC 2009 and stories such as will certainly not help their cause.

Our top reporter managed to track down Team Liverpool's joker Chris Seddon to gain valuable insight into the psyche of Bumwell and his bizarre sex games but Seddon wouldn't / couldn't comment because at the time he appeared to be enjoying what looked like a wet biscuit of some sort.

Seddon's nickname is the musicman, which his down to his love of blowing his own trumpet, which is alledgedly is the same name another one of the games that Pete Bumwell likes to play.

Up until recently Team Liverpool's mercurial big hitter has been very quiet on the blogging front, but rumour has it that following his split with Birmingham's very own Casanova, Mike 'long shlong' Nowland, he has spent less time playing Pro evo and generally bumming around which should see him joining in the fun and entering his own blogs on to this extremely valuable and informative blogsight.