The SCC: July 2010

Thursday 15 July 2010

Green Keepers of the UK scramble to save Ryder Cup after 'Brain Dead Open'!

The finest Green staff of the the UK have been rounded up today as a nightmare scenario has developed at the Ryder Cup hosts 2010 Celtic Manor resort. SCC 2010 Team Loser Dominic (thank god my 25yard putts off fairway go in) Williams was seen digging it off the 1st tee at the '2010 Course' in the annual Brain Dead Open sponsored by Longridge golf ball retrievers. After shooting 123 with only 18 putts, the greens men have ordered 200 tonnes of divot mix and needed 3 bouncers to remove a Massive C from the bar/ clubhouse. An order of 400 bushes was needed as cataclysmic damage has been caused, mainly on the left side from every tee for 75 yards. The trees on the right of every hole roughly 150 yards off the tee have also taken a huge bashing. After seeing the ball flight of a female from Williams at last weeks SCC 2010, its a huge surprise Celtic Manor Officials did not invite the man of the moment, Team Manchester's Matthew (don't worry Neil, I sorted it) Miller.

A spokesmen from Celtic Manor quoted, "I can not portrait the disappointment the members of the R&A and all golf fans displayed on Saturday afternoon seeing Team Liverpool throw away another SCC. To top it off, we now have to deal with this mess that the Brain Dead Open has left us with. It is a dark moment for the history of Golf."

Can the Ryder Cup be saved with only 2 months to go? We wait to see what the golfing gods may bring...

Tuesday 13 July 2010

...excerpt from Retail Weekly - "American Golf Watford branch reports record sales"

Shop Manager Daniel Notquitegoodenoughtobeagolfpro reported a boom in golf ball sales this week, especially of the harder two piece variety favoured by high handicappers. Daniel stated, "I've never seen anything like it, some chap in a red polo shirt came in singing "We are the champions" and proceeded to buy up all our boxes of low to mid range golf balls. It's almost as if he were stocking up after losing a load recently."

Retail Weekly has been unable to locate exactly who this mysterious Red Polo shirted gentleman was as of going to press. If any of our loyal readers can help please contact us.

Sunday 11 July 2010

The Story of SCC 2010

Thursday 8 July 2010

Little help here?

Upon thorough inspection of the rules i can see no mention made of competitors being banned from using caddies (ok nurses) to aid them round the course. With this in mind i thought i'd attach a picture of my massively succesful tee shot on the first tee at last weeks Aardvark Plate match at Whipsnade:

Pete - we've got 'em on the run now mate!

Wednesday 7 July 2010

Ladbrokes Announce SCC 2010 Odds

Ladbrokes have decided to release their odds for this years fascinating SCC tournament.

Ladbrokes have gone against the traditional norms of laying out odds on purely the winning team, in an intriguing attempt to stimulate trade in the depths of the recession the follwing bets have been made available:

1. Player with the largest nose as voted by three of the local barmaids in the drinking establishments of Tenby:

Ben Williams 7 - 4 favourite
Matt Miller 2 - 1

Any other player can be found at 500 - 1.

2. Player most likely to hit the biggest and best 6 iron of their lives in the 1st round of matches:

Pet Bumwell 3 - 4 favourite

Any other player can be found at 500 - 1

3. Player to hit the shortest drive off the 1st tee on the 1st morning:

Matt Miller 5 - 3 favourite
Pet Bumwell evens
Mattkinson 3 - 1
Nick Brooker 4 - 1

4. The most attractive and well dressed team:

Team Nottingham - refused to take any bets as they are such dead set winners

Any other team can be found at 5,000 - 1

5. Player most likely to throw the first hissy fit on the course:

Nick Brooker 2-1 favourite
Si Porter 4-1
Pet Bumwell 9-2
Mattkinson 9-2

As an aside, ladbrokes have also laid out odds on the overall winners and they obviously fancy the team that everyone else appears to mock... Team Nottingham have been installed as 1 - 1,000 favourites, with team Liverpool second favourites at 7-3. Team Birmingham have slightly longer odds than expected but with Nick Brooker appearing to be over confident and Ben 'the Jellyfish' Williams out of form, not many would fancy a flutter on them at 9 - 1. No surprises that Team manchester have been installed as ran outsiders, it appears they are expected to go from hero's to zero's within a year. They have been issued with odds of 10,000 - 1 and every member of the public that puts a bet on them receives a free lollipop to incentivise bidding.

Happy betting peeps!!!

Old Folks Outing

The SCC board are currently in a swiftly arranged meeting to discuss the recent photographic evidence that has come to light. An unidentified source has presented photographic evidence exclusively to SCC blogspot which seems to show Simon "i wet the bed" Porter and Matthew "my teeth are my own, well some of them are anyway" Miller in a Tenby drinking establishment.

It's understood that there are claims that their nursing home recently took them on a day trip to the links course - an act which is in direct conflict with SSC rules.

Stay tuned for news...

Tenby is electric on the eve of SCC 2010

The southern welsh community of Tenby are pulling together today for the final preparations of the sporting calendar’s biggest weekend. A local spokesman from the Nick Brooker appreciation society (pictured above), Kerry Evans quoted “ The anticipation is killing us. We can’t wait for ‘Getting Shirty’ to kick things off”. The opening ceremony is always a highlight of the competition, closely followed by Bumwell’s golf ball delivery, Pi Sorter’s drive/hammer slam smash, Seddons characteristic Wang and the Loser’s Breakfast.
As reported, SCC is this year reaching out to the senior tour with the inclusion of Matt ‘the weight is on my shoulders’ Miller but blogspot would like to quash rumours that the annual Friday ‘SCC Poker Event’ will not be changed to ‘SCC bridge night’ for the OAP.

Competitors will be arriving at HQ tomorrow evening after a ARAF! journey of 5 hours. It seems Team Liverpool are taking the SCC very seriously this year with a scheduled stop off at the golden bears new gaff, machyns golf and country club. Mr Captain and his side kick will be relaxing at the spa whilst the rush hour journey cuts into the 3rd, 4th and 5th city’s time before tee off. We wait to see how these travel plans affect the weekends play and look forward to the shouting of Fore! on the 1st tee .

Heres to a weekend of great/average/shit golf and may the stuffiest team win!

SCC TV - Exclusive Team Birmingham Footage

Team Birmingham remain positive that Brooker is making positive strides towards full fitness and has taken some time out of his busy schedule to show SCC TV some of the pre tournament preparations that the stars go through.

Tuesday 6 July 2010

Brooker pays ultimate price for victory

Only hours after clinching his 4th Major (Individual) Title and only days away from attempting to secure his 2nd team crown in what would be surely be considered one of the greatest golf seasons ever, Brooker's participation has been thrown into serious doubt.

The main draw for the Tenby event appears to have 'shot his bolt' early amidst rumours of GA seriously affecting his gait. Analysts, when commenting on Brooker's schedule last week had their fears that the heat / Brooker weight / hairy arse combo could threaten his long term health. David Feherty was heard saying "It's going to be bloody hot to be sure and his bum bum will be sweating a treat, this could spell disaster and put him out for weeks, if not the rest of the season".

Team Birmingham have refused to comment but an oxygen chamber has been seen being installed into Team Birmingham HQ surely in an attempt to get the hot property and all round hot guy ready for this massive weekend. In addition SCC Blogspot has also found a massive jar of Vaseline in the bins round the back of Brum HQ which could suggest that the Brummies are remaing positive and preparing for the gruelling 54 holes.....or something else!!

SCC Blogspot will keep you updated on all breaking news in the final hours leading up to SCC 2010

Bumwell in Unsurprising Disqualification!

This weekend, Hale Municipal Golf Club was the scene of a disgraceful piece of behaviour from one its ugliest members. Pet Bumwell (pictured left celebrating his partners victory at last years SCC in a way only he can) was unceremoniously disqualified from the 9 hole pitch and putt medal that was played at HGC.

HGC released the following stateent to SCC.Blogspot.com:

"It is with a heavy heart that we, the committee at one of the best 9 hole golf courses within a 1 mile area of Hale have to confirm that Pet Bumwell has been expelled from membership for the foreseeable future from our undistinguished Golf Club. On Saturday, Bumwell was disqualified for breaking three seperate rules as set out by Roger and Alan (hereby known as R&A.) He claims that the real reason was something to do with an unplayable lie that... blah... blah... blah (who cares, and who can be bothered to listen to the claptrap that comes out of his mouth), however the actual reason is that is just a dirty great cheat who always manages to score much better than he plays especially when he has the scorecard in his hand, he is an alround arse on (and off) the golf course and lets be honest a total bottlejob when it comes to playing under pressure. We are tired of his flagrant disregard of the age old traditions of out wonderful game."

Quite surprisingly there were two members of HGC's staff that have be fighting hard for Bumwell's reinstatement. The head of catering Paul Pukka, told blogspot.com that he has seen an 80% drop in the sales of his meat pies since Bumwell's ban. The Professional also opposed to the decision as his shop had seen a dramatic decline in sales of golf balls.

Bumwell certianly needs to change his ways at Tenby this week if he is to avoid a massive beating (both in the physical and golfing sense.) As the tension rises in anticipation of this years SCC, no doubt competitors will decide to watch Team Manchester very carefully especially in the absence of his honorable gentleman Neil Gayton.

Not much more needs to be said other than a few good old fashioned cliches that team Manchester should take heed off - cheats never prosper, ou are only cheating yourself, it's not over until the fat lady (man!) sings and lastly the poignant of all... if you play golf in green shirts in Tenby on a Friday and Saturday in July you will no doubt become SCC champions.

Big love to all of the milliions of SCC fans that unfortunately will not be able to join us at Tenby this year... keep watching for updated results

Thanking you

SCC History

The idea of an annual golfing challenge between Birmingham and Manchester was first proposed at some time over the Christmas of 2005. Since that time, two-ball teams have fought over a gruelling weekend for the honour of calling their city ‘Britain’s Second City’.

Royal Nefyn Golf Course in North Wales hosted the first competition over the Easter of 2006.

The representatives of Birmingham, Nicholas Brooker and Benjamin Williams fought to the last hole of an intense weekend of golf, over three rounds, only to succumb to a world-class put on the final hole from Peter Bramwell, representing Manchester. Neil Guyton, the other member of the Manchester pairing carded an estimated two under par for the final round to help the Mancunians to the title of Britain’s Second City, 2006.

The success of the competition in its fledgling year was enough to generate interest from other cities around the country believing they can stake a claim to the title of Britain’s Second City.

The competition moved to Royal St Davids in 2007 and witnessed a swelling in competitor numbers with the introduction of groups from Liverpool and Nottingham. Mathew Atkinson playing for Liverpool and Simon Porter and Dominic Williams playing for Nottingham were unable to mount any sort of a challenge in the new format competition. Manchester retained their crown after another tense final hole in which Nottingham could have won either the title or wooden spoon. They ended up with the latter. Birminghams challenge was dealt a cruel blow as Ben Williams was struck down by tonsilitus.

SCC2008 was hosted by Averdovey over a cold and windy April weekend. For the first time, competitor numbers were at capacity with the addition of Chris Seddon to the Liverpool team. As seems to be the tradition with the competition, the title went to the last hole where Birmingham held their nerve against a rejuvinated Nottingham pairing. Liverpool collected the wooden spoon.

SCC2009 tooks the competitors to South Wales and the Pennard Golf Club, near Swansea. With a surge of golf club membership over the summer, the event promised to dish up golf of an even higher quality than had been witnessed so far. However, the extreme challenge presented by Pennard reduced the competetors to wrecks of the former golfers they once were! Manchester secured their 3rd title at the 16th hole of the final round against a highly competitive Team Liverpool. Birmingham narrowly beat Liverpool to second place with a final round victory over the wooden spoon winners Nottingham.

2010 was a big year for the SCC. The 5th year anniversary competition saw the teams take on a the new challenge of Tenby Golf Course. In a break with tradition, this years captain was elected from outside of the original foursome and all agreed than Matkinson did an excellent job. Neil Guytons absence from the Team Manchester line up did little to change the recent trend. Pet Bumwell, partnered by Matt Miller, chalked up another victory on the excellent Tenby track. The only thing counting against the course was the huge journies faced by all.

2011 saw Nick take up the captaincy reigns. The SCC went back to it's roots and introduced Nottingham and Liverpool to the wonders of the old course at Neffyn.

2012 is a seminal year in the history of the competition. The format and name were both changed in order to expand the number of competitors to 9. The Second City Challenge from this point on became simply The SCC. The new competition now pitches 3 3-ball teams against each other, drawn according to handicap this year, but in future years based upon performance in the previous years competition. The first test of the new competition was held at Pyle and Kenfig. 'Getting blobby' was born amidst some high scoring as a result of the usual SCC weather.

2013 took The SCC to North Wales Golf Club, Llandudno in the hope of providing a slightly less harsh golfing test for the players. The rain and wind stayed away for the most part and scores were must improved. An early target for best individual score was set by B Williams of 46 points (off a handicap of 20).