Merry Christmas to all & to all a good night ....

It has been quiet of late on the SCC blog, and the SCC Captain Extraordinaire Pi Sorter is still yet to make his debut blog. We can only imagine the amount of time and effort which has gone into this post, and i as well as yourselves cannot wait for the 'Post of a lifetime'.

As we all clear our inboxes and head off to our respective families and friends for the xmas holidays i thought i would display a few of the cards which we have been sent by our enthusiastic SCC followers this year, and what a nice bunch of people they are too.

Merry Xmas to you all
Pete

......Sponsorship Announcement....

As fate has decreed that its impossible for Mattkinson, Bumwell and Seds to be picked together in a team next year i can exclusively reveal that the 'Heroes to Zeroes' team members are currently negotiating individual mega deals for sponsorship at the 2014 Royal St David's spectacular.....

'I's are being dotted and 'T's are being crossed on a 'bountiful' deal with 'ManGo Juice' that will see the following logo 'splashed' across the team's clothing:

The SCC's party-goers extraordinaire refused to comment on the speculation, indeed for once their mouth's were firmly closed.....

More details as they become available...

.....To Cut A Long Story Short..................Seddon in Spandau Ballet tribute act on Friday of SCC......

...... Can a captain really captain when he's capturing hearts playing "Gold"? Does he really think he's indestructible? Is he really always believing?

Breaking News .....

The SCC board woke up to the devastating news this morning that the stalwart of the SCC players Mr Chris 'Media Whore' Seddon will not be able to play at SCC '13. 

As most people now know, Seddon likes to get about a bit.  He can be often found in some far flung destination enticing the local homosexuals by seductively blowing his trumpet in various tight leiderhosen,

Being the new 'face of Dior'

Or, causing him to miss this year's SCC, regrouping with ABBA at the Eurovision finals.

Never one to miss the opportunity to blow his metal appendage in public, Seddon had this to say, "It was obviously a very difficult decision to make, I hope the boys will understand. When ABBA approached me I knew it would be bad news for the SCC, but one look at the spandex which they suggested I wear and I was sold."


Retirement of a Legend

In further news it is reported that Si 'Who?' Porter will be retiring his Donnay Slammer after 26 years of faithful service and loyalty. Simon had this to say to the media...

"I have absolutely no script in my mind. I'm just going to ramble on and hope I get to the core of what this golf club has meant to me. This is a thank you to Donnay. Not just the directors, not just the medical staff, the coaching staff, the other SCC players and supporters. It's all of you. This has been the most fantastic experience of my life. Thank you."

"I have been very fortunate that I've been able to play with this club at many special golf clubs throughout Wales. Although I have never held the SCC trophy it has helped me win the wooden spoon many times in fantastic fashion."

"My retirement from Donnay does mean the end of my life with this club. I'll now be able to enjoy looking for my ball at least another 15 yards further from the tee, rather than suffer with the embarrassment of having to search for it just short of the ladies tee's. But, if you think about it, those duck-hooks, the slices, even the air shots are all part of this great Donnay Slammer ... so thank you for that."

"I'd also like to remind you that when we had bad times with the club, all the staff stood by me, all the SCC players stood by me. Your job now is to stand by my new club selection.

"Before I start blubbing, I just want to speak to Chris Seddon who will be missing this years event. He is unbelievable. One of the greatest players we've ever had and ever will ever.

"I also want to wish Matt Miller a speedy recovery to form and return to the golf course.

"I wish the SCC players every success in the future You know how good you are, you know the clubs you're playing with and you know what it means to everyone here. Don't ever let yourselves down. The expectation is always there."

Wise words, from a wise man.

Pete

Are these really appropriate antics for a senior SCC'er?

Surely preparation for as seminal an event in the sporting calendar as the Second City Challenge should take a more serious form than dressing up in a Bayern Munich kit and getting shedded...

Also Ben how did you get that 'Jim'll Fix It' medal?

The results are in! The Official SCC Mascot 2013 is....

In previous years, the official SCC Mascot has had something of a low-key role. 

So low-key, in fact, you would be forgiven for missing it completely.  Or forgiven for thinking it was Pete Bramwell and letting him win was part of the deal...

But not this year. 

This year, the SCC Mascot has been determined by public vote for the first time.  Not an X-factor style, rigged-by-the-producers telephone vote.  This competition has, we are pleased to announce, been determined by secret ballot of the residents of Llandudno.

It gives me great pleasure to announce the results, in reverse order.

Third place – Shaun the Sheep

Shaun was a promising contender and popular among the residents of Llandudno. 

Alas, his lack of sporting ability and tendency to munch through the golf courses of North Wales (Ffestiniog Golf Club is a favourite) saw him edged into third place.

 

Second place – Katherine Jenkins

She's hot.  She's Welsh.  She runs marathons for charity. 

And, she tells us, she has a soft spot for the SCC.

"I know you've changed the format in recent years," she said recently, "and I like the new format, don't get me wrong. 

But I really used to like watching Team Liverpool.  They were crowd pleasers, you know? 

And of course they are well lush."

 

First place – wait for it....

Yes, you've guessed it....

Yes, it's you Blobby!  Blobby, Blobby, Blobby!

He's done it again.  Take That Katherine Jenkins.

He likes golf. 

He loves the SCC.

And he has a real affinity with the new format...

See you next weekend, for.... "Getting Blobby"

Glass balls at the ready...

With the tension building and the bunting being prepared, focus of late has been drawn the SCC's annual sweepstake.

As avid supporters of the SCC will know, it is a tradition that each year a famous celebrity will pop their clogs.  As this is almost a certainty, there is normally a brief sweep within the SCC players to guess who the unfortunate recipient will be.  In a strange twist to this years proceedings the rules have been altered due to Operation Yewtree throwing up so many family favourite celebrities to be banged up for historical kiddy fiddling.

This years sweep sees the players not only guessing who will kick the bucket but also who will be arrested, favourites so far are:

Tarrant – 5/1
Brucey – 10/1
Barrymore – 2/1
Blackburn – 4/1
Cilla  – 20/1
Cliff  – 16/1

On other issues, the ex Team Manchester pairing of Guyton and Bumwell host their annual 2 rounds of 9 at Royal Hale tonight in preparation for the big event next week, Guyton had this to say, "I always like coming to play Royal Hale, the way it plays so differently on each round of 9 really tests a golfers focus and endurance. I like to think that I am ready for the SCC each year, but Royal Hale always exploits my weaknesses. The tricky 290 yard 8th (17th) hole always swallows up a few balls when I launch up a nice hanging high fade. I just hope the North Wales golf club can live up to the comparison of this nasty little 9-holer."

The excitement builds...

As the main event draws near the SCC boys have been busy congregating in packs to hone their skills:

Seddon/Gayton - Bolton Old Links- Friday 12th April 
Inside reports suggest that although Gayton started well, carding an impressive level after 11 holes, his high fade seemed again to be his weakness and left him with a miserable finish. Seddon on the other hand just couldn't get the round going, finishing last behind a group of 18 - 36 handicappers.
Mr Seddon Senior had this to say to the waiting reporters, "I can't say im surprise, he talks a big game and he has plenty of time to practise, if he could just concentrate and stop fucking off to various countries to 'work' then i feel he is in with a shout of another first place finish this year."

Bumwell / Brooker / Willams.B (and Matkinson) - Brum - Saturday 13th April
Although no golf was played, serious discussion were held on this years strategy to prevent Bumwell from securing a 7th win.  The highly acclaimed player didnt have much to say on the issue as he was too busy signing autographs, seen by his absence below.

No-one knows what the two golfers and Matkison were discussing in this leaked photo, but undercover reporters suggest that Matkison was spouting a convincing lie that he beat someone in a knockout match earlier in the day.

Williams.D - Vegas - Sunday 14th April
Trying to drum up support from the American contingent, the door-to-door Wispa salesman is visiting city of sin to get some well needed sleep from his at home commitments. Only time will tell if this huge break in his pre-SCC practise will be devastating on the final day.

Miller/Porter - Travelodge - Monday 15th April
Not to be left out the two workhorses of the SCC have had their own special meeting this morning at a hotel just outside Brighton. Ever the shroud businesman Porter only paid for the room for an hour, this was obivously enough time for the two to frantically practise their putting skills coming from the shouts of 'In the Hole'. Miller, clearly drained from the intense session, only managed to give a quick wave to his fans as he limped to his waiting car.

William Hill Confirm Captains Predictions

This was a live screen shot taken from the William Hill website at 9.39am on Tuesday 26th March.....

New Love Sparks SCC 8

With time ticking away on the Opening Ceremony of SCC, it seems romance is in the air and having a remarkable effect on the golfers results. Odds on Tiger (porter) Woods to be named No 1 Golfer at this years event have been slashed. Woods has been on an impressive streak in form after recently announcing his steamy relationship with Lyndsey Vonn, US World cup & Olympic Downhill ski champion (pictured together below). After moving into pot 2 at last years event, 'Si'ger has his eyes firmly on joining the big boys in the top pot. Woods commented "there's no way that 'hit it and hope' Captain C Seddon can remain up in pot 1. He got away with it big time last year and I firmly believe he'll be contributing heavily to the blobometer at SCC 8." Betting odds confirm these suspicions as Mr Captain has managed just 2 rounds of golf this year due to the new love interest in his life combined with the recent artic conditions. Seddon confirmed his new regime of early mornings and picking up shit is having a real knock-on effect on his preparations and he can't get enough of it..... On other news, the SCC Commitee can confirm a new award for this years event. With the insertion of the 'Blobometer', it has been decided the blobiest member of the group with be presented with an intellectual goblet to be paraded at the 'SCC Bad Shirt after party' and will be the winners for the following 12 months. We believe everyone will agree that no player will want to be the holder of such a title but the award will be presented to Benjamin Williams at this years opening ceremony based on last years results. Players.....get.....practising!

Wales troubled by lack of sheep for opening ceremony

Another year passes, time for practising slowly slips away and as Si 'the ghost' Porter dusts off his dunlop persimmons the great SCC opening ceremony draws near, but this year the revellers are in for (more) disappointment. 

As is usual with the SCC opening ceremony, each full paying entrant gets, "Full access to a whole, live and untainted sheep", but this year looks like it may have to break from that tradition.

Farmer Gryffyd Schllymmnd, the SCC's trusted sheep breeder had this to say, "Well, I don’t know what to say."

Thought provoking as Mr Schllymmnd's comments were, SCC blog decided to look deeper into a trend which has been happening all across the country over the past 24 months.  Farms from as far south as Cardiff up to the northerly spots such as Lllandudno have seen a dramatic drop in numbers of the sexy woolly beasts and people are starting to get worried.  Suggestions have been that they have turn into daffodils during the spring, they have taken to swimming or are hiding behind cows, all preposterous and quite frankly ridiculous, but one theme does seem to carry weight – the travelling salesman.

24 months ago Nick 'Faldo' Brooker started selling for a small time golf trolley manufacturer and sheep levels were at an all time high, but in direct correlation with the 'businessman's' visits and travel habits have we seen these numbers fall, and seen an increase in numbers of 'used' sheep.

When questioned on the subject Nick at first refused to comment, but after prising a rather startled looking ewe out of his grasp he finally decided to 'fess-up'.

"Yes, I might have had something to do with it, but it can't all be my fault.  It started small, I was only going for the pretty ones, you know.  Once a week, maybe twice.  But then it gets you. You think, maybe I can go for a week without it, but then I pass a field full of them and I just couldn't help myself.  Soon I was up to twenty maybe thirty over the week and it was just a downward spiral from there.  I've tried moving on, I really have, but it's just so hard.  I will tell you this though, I have cut down to only 5 a week now, and I am wearing woolly jumpers to keep the cravings down.  I feel that I must also apologise to the fans who will be attending the opening ceremony, it looks like there might only be enough left for one-between-two."

On hearing the news local SCC fan  Dffyll Pgstrw said this, "I don’t care what happens, im not going two's up on no sheep, not now, not ever that’s just disgusting and immoral, I want me own one to bugger thank you very much."

What will happen, who knows? We will just have to wait to find out

Pete 'The Length' Bramwell

Rasmus II 'finds higgs-boson particle'

Worlds greatest scientists 'in state of shock and awe'

Startling news from our science correspondent that, such is the complexity of the latest version of Rasmus II it is alleged to have beaten CERN's Hadron Collider in identifying the 'Higgs-Boson' particle. Scientists are also investigating claims from it's inventor, B. Williams esq. that it can be used to travel back in time as well as, perhaps most shockingly, allow the user to manipulate it in such a manner as to make it's creator's score card 'look acceptable'.

Asked to comment on this startling revelation, Prof. Stephen J Hawking had this to say:
"Balls. Beaten to the punch by some bum bandit. Still at least i can wang a 3 Iron further than half the SCC'ers"

It's here!

Llandudno get ready as SCC 2013 hits your door. Expect to experience all those moments you've heard so much about: - 

Grown men making copious 'arse-play' jokes:

Excitement amongst the gallery reaches a fever pitch

at the thought of the thousands of yards spent walking looking for either of the Matthew's lost golf balls

the medicinal post round 'energy drinks'

and, of course, 'Getting Blobby!'

 

or

Bring it on North Wales Golf Course!

Weather watch for the SCC 2012

If anything, a little too hot by Sunday...

Ben, remember your "Factor 30".

Further input from R&A....

 Roger and Alan have been at it again just before the start of SCC 2012 'Shorter, Slower, Weaker, Worse' this coming Friday 15th June.  

R&A, Rules and Amateur Status – Governing and Educating Principal Changes 

Introduced into the 2012 Code Rules of Golf 

Definitions

 'Camels (camel, uurrrgghhhhh, or any variation thereof)'
  Camels are whereby a group of two of more golfers try to complete a round of golf by going in as many bunkers as possible then hoping that they wont be the last person to enter a bunker during the round. The fine for any entry into a bunker is 20p, steadily increasing in this multiple as the fellow golfers enter bunkers during their round of shoddy tee shots/chips/knobs of the fairway. If the player is scabby enough to get up and down from the bunker they entered then the running total is passed back to the last person to enter a bunker. To clarify that if only one golfer is hilariously enough the only person to enter a bunkers during the whole round then the fine sticks with that player. It is encouraged for all golfers to aim for bunkers on the 18th hole and not to 'girl-out' by aiming straight for the green, but this is up to the individual female in question (Nick).

 Rules 

 Rule 18-2b. 
Ball Moving After Address 
 A new Exception is added that exonerates the player from penalty if his ball moves after it has been addressed when it is known or virtually certain that he did not cause the ball to move. For example, if it a player has the nose capacity to inflict solid objects to bend during or after a sneeze, if it is this bogey infested gust of wind that moves the ball after it has been addressed, there is no penalty and the ball is played from its new position. Trousers, shirts or shorts of the others player may be changed without penalty due to excess nose gold being deposited on their various parts.

 Rule 27-Massive C. 
Water Proofs, Hand Warmers, Wet Suits.
No player may now wear or use any device designed to prevent the absorption of rain or any other precipitation due the fact that we are not 'little girls' who cry at the first sight of rain. Hail is to be embraced, snow is to be shunned at and wind is to be pissed into in a high arc.'

THE SCC RULES

I am pleased to be able to provide a revised set of SCC rules. Without wishing to place greater importance one clause over any another, I would like to draw competitors attention to clause 12 as it is an etirely new addition.

1. No practice rounds are permitted at the host club within 2 months of the tournament.
2. The format is that of a three team stableford competition.
3. The handicap limit is 28.
4. Teams are to be drawn during the draw on the evening before the competition begins.
5. The 3-ball playing groups will be confirmed during the draw on the evening before the competition begins. Groups are organised such that everyone plays with everyone else, except for their team members.
6. Teams will be drawn from 3 pots, with one player from each pot in each team. In the first year, the ‘rankings’ will be determined by handicap, with the lowest 3 handicappers in pot A (therefore not in the same team), the next 3 handicappers in pot B and so on. The pots in the following years will be determined by total points scored over the 3 rounds of the previous years event, with the highest 3 point scorers in pot A, the next highest 3 in pot B and so on…
a) in the event that player totals are tied, for the purposes of deciding who enters which pot, players will be seperated by count-back of scores over rounds, starting wilth round 3, then round 2 and finally round 1. If scores are still drawn, the player with the larger nose shall be entered into the higher pot.
7. Each player is required to mark the card of one of their playing partners (and their own score). The SCC Scorer spreadsheet requires gross scores only. Full handicap stableford scoring will be calculated when scores are added to the spreadsheet after each round.
8. In rounds 1 & 2, the best 2 stableford scores on each hole from your team will be counted. In the final round all 3 scores on each hole will be counted. This is accounted for in the SCC Scorer spreadsheet.
9. When two rounds are played in one day, a lunch time drink of 2 pints should be taken by all players (this can be altered at the opening ceremony each year on agreement of at least 5 of the 9 competitors).
10. Failure to clear the ladies tee on any competitive round during the SCC is punishable by having to play the resulting second shot with trousers (or shorts) around the ankles.
a. As in most instances, Nick will have “pulled in a favour” to get us on the course, should this occur on a tee in clear view of the clubhouse, the player should play the second shot of the next hole with trousers (or shorts) around the ankles.
b. Should the offending player be “going commando”, the punishment should be stored up for the bar when the player will have had the opportunity to find some underwear. Trousers (or shorts) must then be worn around the ankles whilst the first pint is drunk.
11. At the request of the golf club (and given that they have allowed us a 50% discount) we are requested to ensure that we keep up with speed of play (we will be amongst a club competition on the Saturday).  This requires that players unable to score points on a given hole either ‘pick up’ or play quickly and move on to the next hole.  In 3 balls we should be taking no longer than 3 ½ hours per round.
12. In the event that a participant is unable to sport a suitably bad shirt on Saturday night, they will be required to order a very gay drink. Said drink must then be necked at the bar, with pinky well and truly out.
For the avoidance of any doubt, a shirt must be considered to be bad by a majority of the group. Also, as an example a Malibu and Coke is a very gay drink.

I'm sure that having read the rules, you will be excited at the mention of the SCC Scorer Spreadsheet. Be assured that this is as cool as you anticipate!

Look - a - Likes Unveiled ....

It is with great pleasure that the SCC Press Team can finally release this years offical SCC 2012 poster. They have gone to great lengths and performed many reach arounds to assemble this year ensemble. Unfortuantely due to Engelbert Humperdinck (Matt 'The Length' Miller) Eurovision schedule (and fucking rediculous name) they have had to photoshop how he might have looked using previously posted blog photos. The poster is available in various sizes at increasing costs, and due to huge demand from 2011 this year we are offering a wank resistant coating for a nominal fee of £1.50, with this you will also recieve a free talking audio book of Nick 'Just Call Me Serge' Brooker taking you through his past five years rounds shot by shot. Enjoy

Images of Si Porter at previous SCC events

At Aberdovey

At Royal St. Davids

At Pennard

At Nefyn

and finally..........EVERY TIME SIMON!!!

SCC 2012 lookylikey's

As part of the build up to SCC 2012, blogspot has decided to run an open competition for all SCC followers / groupies to post blogs as to who their favourite SCC players remind them off from the world of other celebrities.

The first set comes from Mrs E Williams who has decided on a sporting theme and has therefore compared all 9 SCC contenders to sporting heroes as follows:

Ben Williams - easiest and best lookylikey of them all, obviously Bastian Schwiensteiger.

Mattkinson - Two different options, ex England Manager Fabio Capello, or arguably a more accurate comparison, Xabi Alonso

Nick Brooker - based on ball striking it would have to Nick Faldo, although from a looks perspective a taller bigger boned (!) version of Sergio Garcia

Neil Gayton - As a result of a very similar golf swing... Jim Furyk!

Chris Seddon - the link here is huge length (on the golf course, before any rumours start) and weird back leg during his swing... Bubba Watson.  Although Jay from the Inbetweeners is still a cracking lookalike!

Simon Porter - Elle genuinely says that she thinks Si Porter is a white version of Tiger Woods purely based on looks, although I do see some similarities between the two on the golf course!

Matt Miller - Struggling for a sporting lookalike of Matt Miller, neither of us know many 50 / 60 years olds so we have less knowledge of sportmen from Matt's era. Irrespective of who Matt looks like, I have discovered that he also participates in another golf society and has been trying to enlist Ben Williams into this other society - Matt, the SCC committee need to question you about the following website - www.bngs.org.uk/golf_web/index.html

Dom Williams - Elle's view is that there is only one Dom Williams, apparently no-one else even gets close to his boyish good looks, natural charm and general all-round good blokeishness (!)

Pet Bumwell - Harry Potter playing quiditch or if that isn't allowed as a result of a tenuous link to sport how about a slightly heavier version of G-Mac?

Now then fellas, lets have a few more views on potential lookylikeys!

Laters

'The Road Hole'

So you want to hear about the 17th at "The Home of Golf", well sit back and prepare yourself because this is going to take a while.

"As you walk off the 16th green at St Andrews, you can see the daunting task ahead. A blind tee shot played well over the 'Lion' on the side of the hotel would leave a nice 160 yard shot to the narrow green, avoiding the inviting bunker to the front left of the green. Behind there is no relief from the tarmac road or gravel path, so best to to play short.

I was playing a blinding round of 18 over at this point, and could feel the winds shifting. This was it, this was my moment. Music started to drift in on the scottish breeze, the clouds parted and the sun started to shine. Yes, this was going to be good. 355 yards to go.

I aimed slightly to the right of the 'Lion', took a solid practice swing, addressed the ball and nailed it. Nailed it with a duck hook approximately 60 yards left of where I was aiming. 230 yards to go.

After waiting for people to tee off the 2nd hole, I found my ball slightly tee up on a lovely piece of rough. Knowing that I could lay up in front of the green from here I took a 3 iron. Not a great choice! A slightly uppish downswing placed the ball dead straight, but only 120 yards dead straight. 110 yards to go.

After taking a read from Neil, and given the confident talk of 'You only get to play this shot once', I addressed the ball with a pitching wedge. The scene before me playing over in my mind. 110 yards into a narrow green, flag placed directly behind the bunker. A solid PW would leave a tap in for my par. I can feel the club move backwards, pause, then down. Clean strike, I look up to catch the balls flight. But wait, it's not there. I look down at my feet to what can only be a golfers worst nightmare. The ball was still where it had lay previously. I had taken an air-shot. An air-shot on the most famous hole in golf. 110 yards to go.

After crying inside, I re-composed myself and managed to get a good clean strike on the ball (fat) and landed promptly in the middle of the bunker, where is was immediately joined by Neil, Nick and Matkinson. 10 yards to go.

The ball was lying fairly neatly, but the lip of bunker was telling me different stories, I opened up my 54 degree and majestically lifted the little blighter out. Yes maybe a bit big but I had got it out. 15 yards to go.

Now, I have never played off tarmac before so this was a new one for me. 7 iron I thought. 7 iron was wrong. I hit the steep roughy bank and came back down the incline. 10 yards to go

Much as I have never played of tarmac, I don’t often play off gravel either. 7 iron again I thought. Oh no, no, no. 7 iron was still the wrong club. Same result as last time. 10 yards to go.

Maybe it was just a back connection, 7 iron stays out of the bag, this time managing to reach the edge of the green, teetering on the precipice, but its there. 8 yards to go.

So I had made the green (fringe), time for a putt. 'Come on Peter, you can still get this putt' the crowd roared. Solid strike, I wasn't going to be short. 6 foot to go.

Neil gives me the putt and a hug.'

So how did I follow this 6 over hole? Yes, with a triple. Kerrching.

Pyle and Kenfig, bring it on!