Everyone Gets A Prize...

As being President of the Second City Challenge i would first like to welcome Mr B Obama into our select group. I know what you are all thinking, you're thinking "Is he going to go with a racist joke, or a dumb american president jibe." Well i'm going to surprise you and do neither... what i will say though is that i know he is going to do a great job, as those type of folk do work so very hard.

Now onto the golf, and what a week it has been. Team Birmingham were supposed to take on the better half of Team Manchester last weekend, in what was going to be a competition of epic proportions. They tried lots of nasty tricks to get Peter to pull out, one being trying to get him arrested at a petrol station for theft (true story!), but in the end they were so scared about being beaten, that they phoned ahead and got Harborne to close their stupid effing sh!tty course. As you can tell there are no hard feelings about getting up at 7 in the the morning, on a Sunday, with a cold brewing. Peter has seemed to have taken it all in his stride, although he did have a short comment to say to Team Birmingham, "C**ts."

But i assure, avid SCC followers, this past weekend was all worth the effort, for this little story i am going to tell you now....

Along time ago, when the ugly part of Team Manchester (Neil) was only young, he gained an older, female, admirer. He could never remember why such an aging lady had a "crush" on him, until his mother, a Mrs H Guyton, reminded him of the fact that he had won the trophy that the older lady had donated to Letchworth Golf Club. Upon hearing this news Neil replied, "No mother you must be mistaken, for i had such limp wrists when i was a young child i could barley put my pink jumpers on. I'm sure i never won an actual trophy." Mrs H Guyton replied,"Ah but that is where you are mistaken, my little homosexual child. You won that guilded putter one year for (and this is the best bit) .... 'Trying The Hardest'". Ha - gay!

I thought that i would share that with you. Until next time adieu.

Mr President (not President Elect)

Peter Bramwell (legend)

Another "Hole In One" Controvesry....

When Team Manchesters top number two player, Neil Guyton, was publicly disgraced for his "I got a hole in one but nobody saw it" antics, the SCC board was happy to wash their hands of the scum that surrounded the story, but it seems that the players haven't learnt.

Nick Brooker, still single, claimed to have succesfully secured his first hole-in-one at the weekend, whilst playing a round of golf with his 'friends'. He had claimed that he had 'slam-dunked' his tee shot from the 14th (known as Ben's Bush to the locals) straight into the hole.

Upon questioning his so called playing partners they seemed to recall the incident in quite a different manner. Local blind man Mr A Jones, 23, had accompanied Nick on his round that afternoon,"I quite clearly remember Nick's tee shot as he seemed quite annoyed that he had shanked it into the woods. When we got near to the green we had to look for his ball in the trees whilst Nick said,'I'll go and check the hole in case it got a lucky bounce off the tree and rolled in!' And as luck would have it, it had. I still don't trust that fella, i can't see but i can certainly see through his lies." Strong words from a respected man, i'm sure you will agree.

In an also unfortunate twist of events, Harborne Golf club has been closed today and has been stripped of it's licence to be a golfing playground due to having larger than regulation size holes. It appears that there was a deal on in B&Q last weekend and the club thought it would save themselves some money by buying 18 buckets.

Second City? I don't think so.

Pete (legend) Bramwell

Drastic Measures

In an attempt to remedy a slight issue with his putting, Nick Brooker, 26 from Bearwood, has decided to totally remove it from the game. The plan was first brought into action on Sunday the 26th October at the 14th Hole of Harborne Golf Club. Stood on the tee, 167 yards away from the pin with a slight tail wind from right to left an 8 iron was selected and dispatched right at the target. Furthermore it was decided that no green can be accurately read from over 160 yards away so the only course of action to remove the unpredictable slopes on the mantle of the earth from the equation and fly the ball directly into the cup! The cup, half full of the previous nights rainfall exploded on impact the 4 ball erupted.

This shot capped a very successful weekend for one half of the most electrifying team in SCC history as the Saturday saw him crowned Harborne Golf Club Scratch Matchplay Champion with a resounding 7&6 victory over a +1 handicapper, netting 4 birdies and an eagle in the 12 holes played.

In other news, Team Nottingham front man Dominic Williams took a right spanking at the hands of the Team Birmingham (half) marathon man, Ben 'my nose cuts through the wind and allows me to run for longer than you' Williams. Rumour has it that Ben was also victorious in their golf match.

The weekends events will surely strike fear into the hearts of the rest of the SCC competitors with Team Manchester already making room for the Wooden Spoon Trophy in the 2009 edition at Pennard Golf Club.

Fisher Putters enter administration!

On the news that renowned s*** putter and all round bottle job Peter Bramwell has turned to Fisher putters after he was unceremoniously dumped by Odyssey have caused the company untold harm. The fledgling company had seen sales rise steadily over the last 12 months but recent news has caused sales to virtually stop and 103% of previously purchased Fisher putters are now on Ebay.

Fisher president (pictured) said "I'm devastated but it's our own fault. We should have followed lead of Scotty Cameron, Ping, Taylormade and recently Odyssey of banning Bramwell from being seen using our products. I can only apologise to the shareholders"

Sponsors Outraged....

It appears that Team Manchester's leading player, Peter "Legend" Bramwell, has embroiled himself in controversy this week. A spokesman from 'Odyessy' has been quoted as saying,"It is with great sadness that Peter has decided to change his putter for SCC '09. We had almost perfected this years "Two Foot" model for Peter to use, we are deeply disappointed that he has now chosen another brand."

The brand in question, Fisher, have released there new range of putters at just the right time. Peter is believed to have liked the patented "Built in anti-bottling technology" and with the added bonus of his new "Excuses" catalogue he seems to have made the right choice. Watching him practice with his new putter we managed to see a sneak preview of his excuses for 2009. The first was the obvious," I'm still not used to the speed off the face," followed swiftly by,"This new grip really will take some getting used to."

The choices of colours for the face insert threw a lot of options open for him which he talked through with us earlier, "I had the 'firm' option of "Gay Green", the 'really soft' option of "Ugly Scummy Baby Blue" or the one which I chose "We Have Won The SCC Twice And Team Birmingham Have Never Beaten Us - Red", it seems like he made the correct choice.

Only time will tell if his new purchase will improve his golf, but Peter doesn't seem to be too bothered as he said, "It looks good when i hold it and the head-cover is very pretty."

Player Accommodation Confirmed

Confirmation earlier this month of the player accommodation for SCC2009 has sparked a frenzy in the sleepy village of Mumbles, near Swansea. B&B's within a 50 mile radius are now fully booked and the popularity of the competition is such that local estate agents have reported a 5000% rise in local property prices.

No 74 Woodville Road, a generously proportioned three storey family house located within easy walking distance of the beaches of Langland and Rotherslade is now guaranteed a place in golfing history. The 5 bedroomed property benefits from off street parking for several cars and views over Swansea Bay from the first and second floor.

For the first time in SCC history, it will be only through personal preference that any one team shares a bed, as No 74 confortably sleeps 9 people. Further details of the property are available via the "Accommodation" link on the SCC official web-site, or by following the link below; http://www.homefromhome.com/property.aspx?propref=78

Team Nottingham - Perennial under-achievers or just nice guys?

Team Nottingham stalwart and page 5 fella, Dom Williams has disclosed a press release on his personal website www.iwillcrapinpetesjeansthenexttimeihavetheminmysights.com suggesting tongue in cheek that Team Nottingham decided in 2007 that they would give the other teams a chance to get their names on the winners trophy before they take them all to the cleaners.

Williams was asked whether it was a coincidence that in the last two years that Team Nottingham have had a chance to win the tournament on the 54th hole but then bottled it. He scoffed "we had it in our minds to put up a challenge but wanted to massage Team Manchester and more recently Team Birmingham's ego's as neither of the two teams have much going for them. We care too much about our friends to let a little competition getting in the way - we are not bottlers, we really are just very nice people."

Team Nottingham tend to dampen down their chances of winning before the start of every SCC, however the other competitors are all fully aware of the dangers that they pose - the over-exaggerated slice, the follow through smash of the driver on the tee before the swing has even finished and the shouting of "Simon... every time!"

Williams Junior was delighted to hear of Bumwell's recent handicap declaration and was quoted saying "Pete has his off days just like the best of us, but did he really think he would get away with cheating for the 4th year on the trot? I counted every one of his 114 shots at Aberdovey and in truth would have been happy to give him the full handicap entitlement, however the dirty fake Mancunian has clearly put some practice in over the past few months which is great news as I was embarrassed for him last year."

Simon Porter also of Team Nottingham has also chipped into the handicap debate suggesting that it is directly related to the amount of sex that each individual is receiving, the lower the handicap, the less likely you are to cop off. Porter's theory is supported by Bumwell's recent Marriage and subsequent reduction in handicap - no need to mention that Nick plays of 0.9! Simon commented that he is currently playing off 28 and swinging the club as well as ever, he also stated that he is very happy with the arrival of his young filipino house boy, whom he has been spending a lot of time with recently!

Unlucky For Some...

13 (thirteen) is the natural number after 12 and before 14.

It is the smallest integer with eight letters in its spelled out name in English.

It is the age at which children become teenagers.

It is the sixth prime number; the next is seventeen.

13 is the second Wilson prime.

13 is the fifth Mersenne prime exponent, yielding 8191.

13 is the second star number and the seventh Fibonacci number. As it is an odd-indexed Fibonacci number, it is a Markov number, appearing in solutions to the "Markov Diophantine equation": (1, 5, 13), (1, 13, 34), (5, 13, 194), ...

13 is also the second happy prime, following 7, and the rethorical 1.

Thirteen is the first prime number to be the aliquot sum of two numbers; the cube 27, and the discrete biprime 35 and it is the base of the 13-aliquot tree.

There are 13 Archimedean solids.

13 goes into 999,999 exactly 76,923 times, so vulgar fractions with 13 in the denominator have six digit repeating sequences in their decimal expansions. It is thus the smallest half period prime.

If you take the digits as single figures and apply them to each member of Team Birmingham, you quite remarkably get their individual I.Q. figures.

Now this fascinating number has one more proud fact to add to it's name. Peter Bramwell, Team Manchester's Leading Blog Supporter, is now a handicap holder of the afforementioned value. Whilst this has come as quite a shock to the SCC community, it has only lengthed Team Manchesters preverbial penis when it comes to their bragging rights.

A quote from Peter earlier on today was what can only be described as a long rasberry noise follwed swiftly by raising two fingers to the rest of the SCC teams. Neil, Peters long suffering partner, describe the actions as, "foolish, childish behaviour for such a sporting legend. Peter doesn't quite understand that his new handicap is actually more damaging to his chances then an actual physical handicap would be."

Team Manchester hopes hang in the balance

The hopes (and expectations) of all Team Manchester supporters of their favourites regaining the coveted Second City Challenge trophy appear to be hanging in the balance. This follows the scandalous decision by Hale Golf Club to slash form player, Peter Bramwell's handicap to 13 - this only however appears unlucky for the team in red.

A Hale GC representative spoke of the revision with the following. "Following Mr Bramwell's success in our individual knock-out, we felt it our duty to cut his handicap. We would not like to see another SCC tournamant blighted through inflated handicaps as displayed in 2008 at Aberdovey by the Williams brothers".

Peter Bramwell's Team Manchester team-mate, Neil Guyton, responded to this drastic move by indicating the rarity of Peter's success and pointed towards the now infamous round at Aberdovey which cost 12 balls, 114 shots and his dignity, and the fact that when faced with a 2 hole lead with 3 to play in the final of the singles knock out, the quality of ball striking disintegrated to a quality not seen since Jean van de Velde at Carnoustie over a decade ago (including a comical effort to lag a 24 inch putt to a mere 22 inches past the hole).

Team Manchester's opponents have reacted with delight to the news, with Team Birmingham stalwart Ben Williams saying. "The cutting of Bumwell's handicap to 13 is way overdue as Team Manchester have put us to the sword every year so far, and to be honest we have been lucky to escape with 2 half points out of the 5 games to date - Team Manchester winning at Pennard in 2009 must be as unlikely as Hull winning at the Emirates.................ahh sh*t"

An Apology...

Dear Reader, I would like to apoligise for the image which i displayed yesterday. I feel ashamed and disgraced to say that the photo had been altered from it's original content. I feel that i must offer my sincerest apology to Nick Brooker and would like to show everyone the true photo and hope that no further mishaps occur again.

It is clear in the actual image that Nick wasn't in a playground scaring young children. In fact he was in a "man's man" bar enjoying a socially responsible drink with his close "companions". This clearly exonorates him as a man hanging around schools and in fact puts him in an appropriate, and legal, "bum sex" environment.

I hope this clears up any misunderstanding.

Mr President

This is the athlete others are supposed to fear?!?!?!

Given the recent post by the new matchplay champion of Hale GC, the rest of the SCC competitors are in no doubt that Peter Bramwell-Guyton is a huge over achiever in all sporting/athletic arenas.

It was thought previously that his 2 wins in previous editions of the SCC were entirely down to his partner (Mrs Neil C.(h)unt) carrying him the whole way round but given his recent victory the conclusion has been made that he is just a lucky git.  The above photo proves beyond reasonable doubt that he has no sporting acumen whatsoever and he should he ever achieve anything in the future it will be complete luck!

Two Feet To Victory...

It was a late summers afternoon that has seen the biggest shock in the golfing season this year. A startled spectator commented on the occasion as, "One of golfing histories minor miracles," and as a proud SCC President, I can confirm that "Two Foot Bottle Job" Pete Bramwell clinched victory in his club knockout competiton. In what was a spectacular match Peter managed to sneak a two foot putt to just 18 inches past the hole to secure a solid win on the 18th hole.

What has been a very upsetting result for the other teams of SCC has only bolstered Team Manchester's chances and spirit for next years competition. After what was a very poor show from the aforementioned CHAMPION in this years SCC meeting, we are all hoping that his current form can remain through a tough season to come for the struggling Bowdon 8's hockey side.

A very bitter Nick Brooker and long term "partner" Mike Nowland have commented, "I don't give a monkeys. Even if his new found extra length and accuracy has helped his game, he certainly won't be sharing a bed with us." Nick, 32 (months of no sex with a female), has controversially given up his hockey career to focus on his training for "SCC 2009 - 'Fore' Years". This is a bold move for Nick which is only going to result in him spending more time with Mike and substantially raise his chances of getting gonorrhea.

So with only 9 moths to go the competition against looks very close (obviously disregarding team Nottingham, let's not get silly about it) and it looks like anybody can clinch the coveted SCC trophy (refer back to my last brackets comment).

Bring on 2009.

Mr President

Champion and all round golfing legend Peter Bramwell

SCC2009 to Visit Pennard

It is with great pleasure that Captain B Williams can officially confirm that The Second City Challenge 2009 will be hosted by Pennard Golf Club, in South Wales.

Located 8 miles west of Swansea in the Gower Peninsula in an area of outstanding natural beauty, Golf has been played at Pennard since 1896. The holes are routed over classically undulating and tumbling linksland, full of hummocks, hillocks and hollows and pocked with dunes large and small. Yet this exceptional terrain is not beside the shore as would be generally expected of a classic links - it is two hundred feet above it and for this reason Pennard is affectionately known as "the links in the sky."

Pennard GC has been voted in the top 100 courses in the British Isles for the past 3 years and is currently rated as the fourth best course in Wales. Although Pennard has hosted a number of prestigious events in recent years, the capture of SCC2009 is likely to be rated as a major highlight in the long history of the club.

Players will be receiving invitations in due course, with the event scheduled to take place over the weekend of Friday 26th June 2009. Following the success of SCC2008, the revised format will continue, consisting of two rounds on Friday followed by one on Saturday. As is tradition, Team Birmingham the reigning champions, will tee off first on Friday morning. Tee times will be made available shortly.

Accommodation for the players is currently being reviewed. It is likely that a suitable establishment will be chosen in Mumbles, a short drive from Pennard. Details of this will be made available when appropriate.

The race is on for next year .....

So much time, so little to do...

Interest Grows in SCC.... again

Following the earlier article detailing the internet post of David Creswick, it is clear that the popularity of the SCC is growing at a fair rate. In response to Creswicks remarks on the BBC website, Pimon Sorter notes with great excitement that he was intending to attend SCC2008. Let's hope he enjoyed the golfing feast that was on display!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/wales/northwest/sites/aberdyfi/pages/askalocal.shtml?comment=response#thanks

Aberdovey enjoyed " outstanding" etiquette

Ben Williams has recieved a glowing response to the earlier correspondence thanking Aberdovey for hosting SCC2008. The letter from Ian Hamilton, Manager of Aberdovey GC praises the players "behaviour and etiquette", stating that it "was outstanding and a real credit to the game that we cherish."

The letter is finished on a lighter note and probably refers mainly to the presence of Ben "pin-up boy" Williams. Hamilton states that "we don't oftern get pictures of young golf punks like yourself so I have posted your picture in the ladies changing room." No word of a lie - read the letter for yourself (below)!

"Wonderful" Course Formally Recognised by Players

A letter has today been sent to Averdovey golf course praising the way in which it hosted this years competition. In-coming captain, Ben Williams goes on the record with a glowing acknowedgement of the welcome recieved from both staff and members.

This formal recognition of the contribution which Aberdovey made to another hugely successful competition is likely to lead to a massive increase in visitor numbers. New membership applications have been so large in number that the local postman has been signed off work for a month with a bad back!

As a final beautiful gesture by the players, a photograpgh of the 4 teams was sent to the club with a letter. And, in a special treat for all members of the club, the photo was signed by Ben Williams, one half of this years winning team.

SCC 2008 Official Photos Released

2008 Competitors

2008 Winners - Team Birmingham

2008 Wooden Spoon Recipients - Team Liverpool

Peter Bumwell after ONE round of golf cost him 114 shots and 12 golf balls (ouch!)

Unlucky camera angle or doggy fiddler .....

An apparent backlash from SCC Team Birmingham winner Nick Brooker has ended up with him being in more bother than he originally expected.

Seen here on a close up of the picture he released to media, it is quite apparent that Nick Brooker likes nothing more than to insert his grubby fingers into live pets. "Not only am i shocked, but disgusted," said Ben Williams, Brooker's team mate and bed sharing partner. "When it came to golf he always told me that he liked to get his hands dirty, but this really takes the (dog) biscuit. He needs to have a serious word with himself and sort his fetishes out, the dirty, dirty b@stard."

Nick Brooker is yet to comment.

How can this man be a law breaker????

Nick Brooker has not hit back angrily at recent comments (as this is not in his nature), but has made it clear that he has never nor would ever participate in such recreational activities.

Brooker, pictured above, is not only a man of of the people, but a renowned animal lover (not in that way!) and maintains he has always played his sport with total sportsmanship his number one priority.

'I may F & Jeff on the course a bit, maybe the odd the club chuck, I may also have earned over 15 cards during the recent hockey season but quite clearly I would never jeopardise my promising SCC career with such a flagrant disregard for the rules'. He continued to say 'I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that this image is the handy work of the very talented P Bumwell of a bitter Team Manchester. I say talented in a photshop sense of course as 114 and 12 lost balls doesn't equate to mastery of the course now!'

DRUGS SCANDAL ROCKS SCC 08

It has been revealed exclusively to blogspot.com that the SCC 08 Champions Team Birmingham have been stripped off their title, resulting in Team Nottingham moving up into 1st place. Nick Brooker of Team Birmingham has failed a random drugs test, Brooker who performed so incredibly well throughout the tournament missed his 1st scheduled drugs test and when quizzed over his whereabouts he commented "I was out buying vegetables, i knew nothing about a test and I have nothing to fear as I am clean and would never touch drugs."

When the drugs unit finally got to carry out their tests, Brooker tested positive for Cannabis, Ketamine, liquid gold, lavender, lily of the valley, 17 different kinds of semen and viagra.

This image quite clearly shows Brooker with what can only be described as a dirty great spliff on a recent sex trip that he made to Amsterdam. Brooker has a shady past and it appears that his live fast die young, sex rock and roll lifestyle (maybe not the sex!) has caught up with him. Although Cannabis is not classed as a performance enhancing drug, Roger and Alan at the PGA HQ are keen to kick all drug users out of the sport. It is not clear as to how long Brooker will be be banned for, however it is highly unlikely that he will be allowed to play at SCC09.

Brooker's partner, who also happens to play golf with him, Ben Williams who put in three fantastic rounds of golf has a history of strong antibiotic use, however he appears to have avoided the radar of the drugs unit.

Team Nottingham's Dom Williams commented "We were not surprised by this breaking newstory, Nick was smoking all the way around Aberdovey's golf course, I walked into the locker room to see him doing a line off one of the urinals. We would obviously have preferred to have won this most coveted trophy outright, but the cheating Brummie yam yam ba****ds need to be taught a lesson"

Simon Porter also of team Nottingham said "I never had this sort of problem when playing with Nick Faldo." Porter was heard earlier today commenting that he has played with Faldo and that in his opinion Brooker hits the ball as well, if not better than the former Masters winner. It is apparent that the reason for this is his flagrant disregard to the law and his eagerness to fill his body with illegal substances.

Sincerity is a dish best served cold...

We, Team Manchester, would like to take this opportunity to wish all teams taking part in SCC '08 the very best of luck.

Remember Team Notingham, "It's not about winning, it's about taking part", and we will be taking you apart.

Hope you all have safe journeys and get there in good time. Team Liverpool, see you on Friday.

A Humble Apology

"I brings a tear to my eye when i have to think about it," confesses Team Manchesters prodigy, Peter Bramwell. "As for anybody who knew me then, I was going through a difficult phase in my life. I was deperately trying to recover from a bad bout of 'fashionitis' (commonly known as 'Bad Taste') before a party i was to attend. Unfortunately for many people there, i hadn't fully recovered.

I did apologise at the time, especially to Ken Lodge who is now blind due to the event, but unfortunately words cannot heal. Unless of course you are dumb, in which case they do.

I would like to keep the past behind me and focus on the events to come. Sorry again for the hurt this has caused, i can only promise that i will check myself in the mirror before leaving the house."

A true apology from a great man, i'm sure you will all agree.

SCC Superstar or Fashion Victim?

Team Manchester support player, Peter Bramwell (or Bumwell as he has requested to be known as for the purpose of this report) has been spotted recently at a Charity bash for the lesser known charity 'Western Association for Nipple Kripple Education Reforms or W.A.N.K.E.R's for short, wearing what can only be described as an outfit from hell. When questioned about his appearance, Bumwell stated that he thought he looked good and contrary to popular belief the scarf in question definetely does go with the black coat/jumper combo. In defense of his choice of hair style, Bumwell would not / could not defend himself, it can only be assumed that he had attended a bad taste party and was running late on the day in question. This latest sighting of Bumwell comes at a bad time for Team Manchester as they have recently been installed as Betdom.com as the favourites to take home the wooden spoon in a complete turnaround of last years tournament with team Nottingham quite surprisingly been tipped as red hot favourites.

Aberdovey Embraces Technology

News has been exclusively leaked to the SCC Commitee that Aberdovey is shaking off it's, "Stuck in the 1820's" stigma by launching a live webcam to show spectators the latest weather, "as it happens".

Found at:

http://www.aberdoveybreaks.com/webcam.html

Gavin "Typically Welsh" Jones (above) commented, "We wanted to show people that we're not all about mining and growing leeks, and i think this interweb camera device is just the thing that is going to put our town on the map." And Gavin should know as he is now the proud owner of Aberdoveys' first mobile phone. "They'll be telling me next that they've found a way to keep food cold!", Gavin chuckled.

Team Manchester Warm Up

Contrary to popular belief, Team Manchester have been vigorously training hard for this years SCC tournament. "Admittedly," says Peter Bramwell, "It hasn't been the prettiest golf we have played, but it's certainly a step in right direction. That is, of course, if the right direction is a massive shank followed by a fat approach shot, then a duff chip."

Seen here in recent pictures Team Manchester have been invited to test Augusta before the professionals were allowed to play.
"I think that the fairways are quite soft and the greens very forgiving", said Neil Guyton,"But i'm sure it's not even close to the tricky conditions we are all going to be experiencing next week."

Vice Scandle Rocks Tournement

In news that has shocked the world of golf to its core, it seems that Christopher Seddon of Team Liverpool has been involved in a "same-sex" relationship with notorious porn king, Mike Ock. Pictures exclusive to this website reveal the lovers captured in bed together following what residents of the hotel claimed was an "all night steamy rompathon".



It is believed that the executive committee have scheduled an emergency meeting to discuss the matter and all members have so far been unavailable for comment.

The Shame Of It....

Turgid rumors are rife again as "Sharron" stepped out from the silhouette of controversy. "I know what i saw, but i was mistaken", Sharron, 35, from Dudley announces, "It appeared to be huge but actually i was much closer than i first thought. So close, in fact, i am now taking antibiotics and have a mutated strain of tonsilitis/flarangitis/larangitis (delete where applicable) which altered my perception of 'length' and indeed 'depth'. I feel deeply ashamed to have collapsed at the scene and wish that i had never been caught up in this tangled web of deceit."

On a lighter note, Peter, 25 (but looks more of a 24), was out practicing for his warm up match against team mate Neil, 34 (and feeling the years), last night and can announce that he is "Bloody awesome". Though he doesn't like to brag about it much.

Call that length!!!!!!!!!

The residents of Aberdovey have hit back today, at claims from Team Birmingham lynchpin Ben Williams that they are scared of his extra 'length'.

Following a detailed Panorama investigation, the quotes from Addfwyn were indeed traced back not to the sleepy Welsh town but to a Mrs S. Williams, rumoured to be married to said SCC participant.

An angry Mrs Williams set the record straight this afternoon saying. 'I cannot dispute that I have made several comments over the last couple of week regarding the extra length that Ben has been showing but in no circumstances did I mention his golf or intend any sexual connotation. It's his nose I'm worried about.'

Extra Length for Brummies Scares the Locals

The girls of Wales collectively went weak at the knees earlier today when it was revealed that Ben Williams will be arriving later this month with even more length than last year!

Addfwyn, 23 of Aberdovey, needed medical attention when she realised the impact of this news. We caught up with her at the back of the ambulance where she told us "This sort of thing just isn't normally heard of in these parts. Us country girls can only dream of seeing the length that Ben is rumoured to be in command of".

Sharron, 35 of Dudley who witnessed the additional length at her local driving range recently had to be carried from the scene, although it is rumoured she has seen a great deal of length and width in her time...

OverThe Hill?

The SCC comittee would like to wish a warm congratulations to Benjamin Williams for reaching the knee crippling age of 30. It's a testament to Nick Brooker that he plan's to stick with his aged playing partner since Ben's abilities will soon be deteriorating (further).

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to Benjamin,
and a very Happy Birthday to you Sir.

Nottingham Also Announce Sponsorship Deal ..

Team Nottingham have decided to postpone any potential sponsorship deals until 2009 despite real interest from all of the big names. Si Porter (59) commented "we decided to hold off for a year, my trusty Donnay Slammer will last another year and I entitled to OAP rates in 2009 so will take advantage of my bus pass to travel around golf outlets to hunt out the best deal available."

Team Nottingham expect to put up a stronger fight at this years tournament and Si porter has assured the other participants that he will turn up to at Aberdovey this year and that he won't expect his team mate to carry him through the entire tournament... again!

Team Manchesters New Sponsorship

The newspaper stories have been confirmed earlier today as Team Manchester announce their new sponsorship deals.

"As long as it looked good and felt good we were happy," said Peter Bramwell, "Obviously money was the riding factor, and there was plenty, but we are both happy with the decisions."

SCC Captain, Neil Guyton, 42, went for the conventional Ping G10, to no surprise of his fans. Whereas Peter Bramwell, a mere 25 and looking good for it, went for the Taylormade R7 CGB Max, because he liked the name and it was a nice red colour.

Both players are going to be testing their new drivers this weekend at the soon to be announced Ryder Cup Venue for 2015, Hale Golf Club. It will be a testament to the players if they can control these new beasts after unleashing them on this tricky 9 holer.

Wikipedia cotton onto the potential adervtising deals

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_City_Challenge

Intrest grows in SCC

http://www.bbc.co.uk/wales/northwest/sites/aberdyfi/pages/askalocal.shtml?comment=response#thanks

David Creswick is obviously in the know as he questions the BBC for more SCC news.

Team Birminghan Exclusive Pics ...

The paparazzi have been at it again, this is a fantastic picture captured as Ben Williams, Team Birmingham, very nearly 30, pulled the classic, "2nd Tee Fresh-Air" shot earlier this month.

Ben's response was hesitant, but casual, "F**K OFF! You f**king f**k wits!" We await to see if all the practice will pay off, and if the bookies are anything to go by, it won't.

SCC Captain To Stand Down ....?

Following the recent allegations of his embarrasing incontinence, yet more turgid rumours have come to light.

"I like to have a good time," says SCC Captain Neil Guyton, 27, "And if that means surrounding yourself in beautiful women while urinating, then i will most certainly take part." Seen here in recent grainy photographs, the SCC Captain is quickly gaining a Freddie Flintoff reputation as sponsors quickly withdraw from this years competition.

A spokesman from Malibu said, "This is clearly not the kind of actions we like our product to be associated with. No matter how much people drink, we certainly don't want them p*ssing themselves. Quite frankly, Neil has disgraced himself and our brand, he should be ashamed of himself!"

It also seems that Neil's golf isn't the only thing being affected. A leaked source has also found out that he got given a pasting in a recent Squash Competition with team partner Peter Bramwell, 25. We did try to get a statement from Peter, all he said was this, "I will neither deny nor confirm the allegations. It was a very close match, and both parties were pleased with the outcome. I don't think that he should give up his day job though."

A statement will be released from Neil Guyton's press office later on today.

SCC Captain in weeing himself shocker!

Incoming SCC Captain and two time SCC champion Neil Guyton has this week found himself embroiled in controversy as pictures showing him not only under the influence of sambuca but quite clearly in a state of post piss (whilst not removing his trousers!)

His 'people' are claiming that the photo is quite clearly photoshopped and the Accountant would never find himself in a position where a W.C. was unobtainable.

This story has caused serious unrest in the Team Manchester camp, who were due to start SCC preparations for their second defence in the coming weeks. Neil's partner (in golf), Peter Bramwell has reacted angrily to his team mate's antics and had the following to say,

"I'm right annoyed at this, I told him it would come out soon. I heard his people are saying that the photo has been edited to make it look worse but that's bo**ocks, I was there and it happened. In fact it happens all the time and its really starting to annoy, especially when we have to share a bed when on official Team Manchester duties".

This story has reportedly found favour with the rest of the SCC competitors who are said to be looking forward to 'taking the p*ss' out of Team Manchester.

Late change to tee times announced

Following extensive discussions with representatives from Aberdovey Golf Club, it has been announced that the tee times have been changed to accomodate anticipated fading light.

The changes see the afternoon tee off times being brought forward by half an hour to ensure bad light does not become an issue for the final few holes.

Following on from this, in order to maintain a 5 hour gap between rounds and more importantly to allow all competitors to complete the obligatory 2 pint lunchtime requirement set out by the Committee, the morning tee off times have also been adjusted

The changes mean that Team Manchester, as reigning holders, and their opponents will be teeing off at 9:36 closley followed by the second match at 9:44.

The afternoon tee off times are now set at 2:48 and 2:56. Staurdays tee off times remain unchanged at 2:08 and 2:16

It awaits to be seen what effect this will have on attendences at the third annual Second City Challenge.

SCC featured once again in national publication!

Uncertainty reigns over Team Liverpool replacement

The first 'alternate' for the 3rd annual Second City Challenge, Mr C. Seddon, was approached by the incumbant Captain on Thursday afternoon to join the ranks of Team Liverpool.

Organisers were left somewhat apprehensive however, when the 5 handicapper from Horwich, Bolton, indicated that work commitments on the Friday, thereby missing 36 of the 54 holes, may have to take priority.

Chris Seddon's management, known by the SCC to be Mike Nowland, is looking into the possibility of 'pulling a sickie' or rearranging said commitments. Chris made the following comments with regards to his predicament

'It leaves me feeling as sick as a one of Luke Porter's dumps that I might not be able to make the SCC. I have worked hard all year to improve my golf to a standard which would be deemed acceptable for such high class opponents, and although I am not quite there yet, it is with great sadness that 'Blowing my own trumpet' is what pays the bills.'

With that Mr. Seddon left to chants of 'Trumpet, trumpet, trumpet' to which the astonishing reply was 'STOP NOBBING AROUND'.

The future of Team Liverpool will become clearer next Tuesday when Chris is able to give a firm answer to the invitation.

The SCC gets the press it deserves.....

Kelsall Withdrawal Dissappoints SCC Competitors

In a decision that mirrors Ernie Els decision to miss the final European Tour Event, Dan Kelsall has expressed his regret at opting to fulfil his sponsors requirements and compete in the Qualifying School for an ACA Tour Card rather than take up the invitation to compete at the 2008 SCC.

A veteran of no SCCs, but a particularly good looking chap, Kelsall made his decision with a heavy heart, "The SCC is obviously the premier event on the European Tour Calender, missing out for second successive year has left me with a strange and empty feeling. Fingers crossed this unfortunate turn of events has not jeopardised future participation, Team Liverpool will fight on and I wish my partner Matkin Son and all the other competitors all the best for the competition."

On hearing the news, fellow competitors Nick Brooker and Pete Bramwell harmonised "It's guy love, between two guys" while Si Porter sorted some pies. Early speculation regarding a replacement suggest World Number 2 Phil Mickleson expressed interest but was not sure his short game would be a match for World Number 4,987,436 Dom Williams. Further speculation has centred around a Les Contamines training camp where several possible replacements were seen.

A final word must go to Mr. T with the emotional "Shut Up, Fool!"